


Of Wishes, Gods, and True Love

by rollingday_s



Series: Amore [1]
Category: Arashi (Band)
Genre: AU, Angst, Community: shoexchange, Fantasy, Friendship, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-06
Updated: 2017-04-06
Packaged: 2018-10-15 11:03:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 24,660
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10555254
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rollingday_s/pseuds/rollingday_s
Summary: When Sho decides to give up on love, someone decides to help him believe in it again.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [piggywhale](https://archiveofourown.org/users/piggywhale/gifts).



> Written for the 2016/2017 shoexchange. There's a poem in this fic: when you read it, you should try to mind the spacing. If I did my job right, you should feel out of breath while reading it. See last chapter for end notes.

It was his birthday and Sho had no one to spend it with.

He looked at his phone, stiffening a little when he came acrossthe last picture he took of his boyfriend.

 _Ex-boyfriend,_ he reminded himself bitterly.

He stared at the package on the table and opened it hesitantly. In it was the birthday cake he had ordered for tonight. He had planned to let his boyfriend treat him to dinner, and then when they’d get back to his place they would open the cake. But then Nino had to go and break up with him a month ago, and Sho had forgotten all about the cake. It was only when he received a call from the shop that day, reminding him to go and pick it, that he remembered.

And things wouldn’t be so bad if he had someone to share his cake with, but his family was all the way back in Chiba while he was in Tokyo. To be fair, they had offered to come visit, but Sho had told them that it wasn’t necessary, thinking that he was going to get a whole day with his lover, doing things his family probably wouldn’t have approved of.

He scoffed.

Instead, it was his birthday and he was alone, with a stupid birthday cake he had ordered from the best bakery in the city, just because his boyfriend had mentioned in passing that he wanted to try the sweets there once, but he never bought any because they were too expensive. He even booked it months in advance to be sure to get it. What an idiot.

Sho was what you would define as a hopeless romantic. He believed in red roses, love letters, confessions under the stars, kisses under the mistletoe – the whole shebang. But he was also a complete idiot when it came to love.

Every relationship he ever had was either wrong – like those first few years of his life when he convinced himself that he liked girls – or a complete and utter disaster – like his last boyfriend. And his only other boyfriend before that.

Sho put the cake in the fridge and poured himself some coffee instead. His most recent relationship had lasted two years, but only because neither him nor Nino were the types to break up with their partners. Still, his ex and him were completely incompatible, so in the end he got dumped anyway. He didn’t even know why they started this mess in the first place. Or, well, he did know, and we’re back to point one – he was a hopeless romantic – and back to point two – he was a complete idiot.

He had to admit he wasn’t even in love with Nino. He was just in love with the idea of _being in love_. He knew he should probably be relieved that his relationship ended since things were going so badly, but Sho still couldn’t let go of the fact that he was going to spend yet another birthday all alone.

He sipped on his drink and grimaced. Maybe he should get accustomed to the bitter taste. Even if you add sugar to coffee, it won’t stop being bitter. He sighed and spiked his drink with liquor. At least now the burning in his throat would stop the coffee from tasting bad. And from there it wasn’t long before he just ditched the coffee and went straight for the alcohol.

“That’s it!” he said loudly to the empty room. “I’m giving up on love forever!”

He brought his bottle back to his room, where he drank away his loneliness. It didn’t take long before he was drunk and completely miserable. He fell asleep just a couple of seconds before midnight, a soft whisper escaping his mouth.

  


↢ ♥ ↣

  


Sho woke up the next morning with a pounding headache.

He groaned a little and extended his arms to his left side. His body moved closer to the figure sleeping beside him, wrapping against the warmth under the covers. He made a satisfied noise when he felt a pair of hands clasp behind his back, pressing closer to him. He smiled a little and placed a kiss in the man’s hair.

“Nino,” he grunted when he felt the figure chuckling silently in his arms. “Please stop moving or I’m going to be sick.”

It took him about four seconds after that to connect the dots in his foggy head. This couldn’t be Nino. Nino dumped him, and he certainly wasn’t all tall and skin and bones like the person he had in his embrace.

He jerked awake and pushed the stranger away. Bumping his elbow on the headboard, he sat as quickly as possible and found himself looking at a man laying on the other side of his bed, a fit of laughter shaking his body.

Sho panicked. What was a stranger doing in his bed? And how did he get in?

The guy’s laughter faded and he sat up. Sho observed as he smoothed down the black leather jacket he was wearing over a pink t-shirt and jeans. After a while that they had looked at each other, one with a scared expression, the other with an amused one, the stranger pouted a little. “You said you wanted to give up on love. I can’t let you do that.”

Sho looked at him in disbelief. A weird guy just broke into his home, snug under the covers to hug him, and now he was telling him he didn’t like him giving up on love? He needed to call the police right away. Or maybe the asylum.

He tried to calm down. If he was a madman, he needed to play along for the time being. “What are you talking about?” he said, just to buy some time. His eyes scanned the room carefully, trying to locate his phone. Maybe he could send an S.O.S. text to Nino and have him call the police without the crazy guy realizing.

The man smiled. “I’m here to make you believe in love once again.”

Sho scoffed. “Is this a candid camera?”

The other guy looked genuinely confused. Sho sighed. No cameras. He really was a madman then.

“Alright, who are you then?”

“My name is Aiba Masaki,” the man replied earnestly.

Good, Sho thought. Now that he knew the name of the crazy guy, he could get Nino to check with the asylums if a patient had escaped.

Aiba giggled. “You know, Sakurai-san, you’re a weird man.”

If Sho hadn’t been terrified out of his mind, he probably would had laughed at that. The crazy guy was calling him weird. That looked like the beginning of a very bad joke. And how did the guy know his last name? He really wanted to know it, but he was afraid of the answer. “How so?” he asked, instead.

Aiba waved his hand. “You don’t need to be scared of me. And, even if Ninomiya-san called the police, they wouldn’t find anyone but you here.”

Sho gulped. How did this Aiba guy know about Nino and what he was planning to do? “What do you mean?”

Aiba lifted Sho’s pillow. Under it, was his mobile phone. Sho whined internally when Aiba picked it up before he could reach it. Then, without a word, the man got closer and draped an arm around Sho’s shoulders, with the phone in front of them.

“Say cheese,” he said before taking a picture of them.

Sho blinked in confusion. He eyed the phone carefully, wondering if he should try to grab it or just make a run for it and leave the guy in his home. But then Aiba handed him the phone and he took it, wary, but relieved.

But that hint of relief was short-lived. When he looked at the screen, he felt a scream die in his throat, and his trembling hands almost dropped the phone.

“Tha—that’s impossible,” he stuttered.

He was looking at the photo the man had just taken, but instead of showing the two of them, there was only a terrified looking Sho in the shot. The other guy was nowhere to be seen.

Sho looked at the man even more terrified than before. Madmen he could handle. They were flesh and blood after all. But ghosts? He wasn’t sure how to deal with that.

The man reached out for his arm, and Sho backed away, falling out of the bed in the process. He hit his head on the floor and let out a cry in pain. His hand shot to the back of his head to check for injuries. No blood, but his headache certainly didn’t benefit from that fall.

He felt a pair of strong arms lift him up, and for a second he forgot who they belonged to. He sat up on the bed again while the other guy looked at him, waiting. Sho covered himself up to his chin, somehow believing that that would be an impenetrable barrier for the ghost. Then a thought crossed his mind.

“Wait a second! I touched you. You feel real. How are you a ghost?”

“I’m not a ghost, Sakurai-san,” the man reassured him. “I’m more of what you would call a spirit guide. I’m very much real. See?” He reached for Sho’s cheek and pinched it to make his point.

Sho whimpered at the contact. If the guy wasn’t a ghost, then maybe he was hallucinating? Could he still be drunk? Or had he gone crazy all of a sudden?

“Okay, let’s say I believe that,” Sho said, trying to come to terms with the possibility of having to spend the rest of his days locked up in some institute. “Why are you here?”

The guy leaned in to look into his eyes in a conspiratorial look. “Yesterday was your birthday, and you said you wanted to give up on love.” His eyes betrayed his sadness at those words, like he was seriously heartbroken that Sho could even think that. “And then before the day ended, you made a wish. Do you remember what the wish was, Sakurai-san?”

Sho looked back into the other’s eyes. They were brown and warm, and he felt something in stomach move at that sight. He looked down and shook his head.

The other’s voice became very serious. “You wished for love.” He smiled. “And I’m here to help you find it.”

Sho looked up, incredulous. “So are you like… my guardian angel?”

He chuckled. “I’m not an angel, and I’m certainly not _yours_ exclusively. I’m more of a…” he gestured with his hands, measuring his words “…a god, you know.”

Sho arched his eyebrows. “A god of love?”

He giggled at that. “Yes, a love god, to be exact.”

 _This whole situation is bonkers_ , Sho thought. He stared at the figure sitting in front of him. He was looking at him expectantly, legs crossed and arms grabbing his own feet, leaning forward. He looked really happy and thrilled at the prospective of helping him find love. But his eyes were what convinced him in the end. They were sparkling, pure and honest, and a small, hopeful part of Sho, the part that still believed in wishes upon falling stars, couldn’t help but wonder _‘what if any of this is true?’_

He scratched his ear and heaved a sigh. “So… how do I call you?” he asked. “Aiba-sama?” He wasn’t sure how one should address a god, or spirit guide or whatever that strange being was. Even if he was probably just hallucinating or insane, politeness always came first to Sho.

“You can call me whatever you want,” the other chirped.

“Well, then,” Sho looked around embarrassedly. “How about Aiba-kun?”

Aiba clapped his hands with delight. “Perfect! And I’ll call you Sho-chan, then,” he sentenced.

Sho was taken aback by the use of his first name. “Are all love gods this… – he didn’t know what word to use. Informal? Over-excited? Batshit crazy? – …intense?” was what he decided to settle for eventually.

“Ah, Sho-chan,” Aiba said while getting up. “I think you might find I’m pretty different from your usual god of love.”

Sho followed Aiba to his kitchen. Once there, the god leaned against the kitchen counter. Sho eyed him, a little embarrassed.

“Uhm, do you-- do you eat by any chance?”

Aiba shook his head. “I don’t need to eat. Or drink, or sleep, or go to the bathroom, for that matter.”

Sho gave a nod of understanding. “Do you mind if I...?” He gestured at the coffee machine.

Aiba smiled. “Please, go ahead.”

Sho shuffled his feet to the cupboard, pulling out the coffee and sugar. He stole a glance to his right and saw that the god was looking at him intensely, observing the way he was placing the coffee powder in the filter, watching his every move. He had to admit it was pretty embarrassing to have an audience while he was making something as mundane as coffee. Whenever he had someone over from a night in, they would never stare at him like that in the morning. Stare at his ass, maybe. But not at his hands as he nervously fumbled with the powder and somehow managed to make a mess of everything. He cleared his voice, making Aiba jump.

With an amused yet shy smile, Sho opened his fridge looking for something to eat. He felt like having some eggs with rice, but he was all out of eggs and eating rice by itself was just too sad. He stared at the cake he had stuffed in the fridge the previous night and sighed while taking it out.

“So,” he said after he had placed his coffee and a slice of cake on the table and had motioned for Aiba to join him. “What’s going to happen now? Are you going to pull out a magic bow from your… – _‘ass’_ was what he wanted to say, but maybe that was too rude of him and he didn’t want to be rude to a magical being with unspecified powers – …uhm, from the air and shoot arrows at the first guy I point?”

Aiba blinked. “Why would I want to shoot arrows at some guy?”

Sho laughed at his clueless face. “Man, you really don’t get references, do you?”

Aiba’s eyes shimmered with glee when he heard Sho laugh. “You have a pretty laugh,” he said matter-of-factly.

Sho blushed a little at that. “Uhm, thanks,” he said, taking a sip of his coffee to dispel the awkwardness he felt.

“No arrows, Sho-chan, but you’re right,” Aiba grinned. “We’re going to use a little bit of magic.”

The god reached in his leather jacket and pulled out a green notebook.

“What’s that?” Sho asked, trying to look at the pages as the god placed the little book on the table.

Aiba looked up distractedly. “Oh, this? It’s my notebook. It helps with my job.”

“Hey, that’s me!” Sho exclaimed when he saw what was written on the page. He strained his neck as he read out loud. “Sakurai Sho, 35, single, advertising manager at _Tabekome_. What the hell?”

Aiba waved his hand. “I have a profile of all my charges. It tells me things like education, background, past relationships, favorite food, favorite position in bed, and stuff.”

Sho choked on his coffee. “F—favorite position?”

Aiba shot him a grin but didn’t comment further.

“So…” the god started. “First of all, we need to find out why your relationships so far have failed.”

Sho sighed. He really didn’t want to talk about his past relationships. They’ve all been kind of bad, and reminding himself that he was dumped every single time really didn’t do much for his self-esteem. “What’s there to say? My relationships with girls clearly failed because I’m not attracted to them. While those with guys…” he scratched his neck “well, I’ve only been with two guys so far, and the first dumped me because he said I never paid attention to him, while the my last boyfriend…” he stopped and pondered about it “I just guess we didn’t have much in common, really.”

Aiba made a noise. “Have you ever talked it through, when you broke up?”

Sho shrugged. “It just sort of… happened. One day he just said we weren't working anymore, and I actually agreed.”

Aiba looked at him sympathetically. “Do you still have feelings for him?”

Sho shook his head. “I don't. God, no.” He chuckled. “It's weird, you know? We've been together for two years, but he still felt like a friend.”

Aiba nodded. “Well, I think you should go see him anyway. Talk to him before you can move on.”

Sho fell silent. Talk to Nino? He could do that… maybe. He didn't know how his ex would react if he saw him after a while, but Aiba insisted so much that he had to promise that he would go.

After a long day at work, all Sho wanted to do was to throw himself in his bed and not think about anything. He had almost forgot about the crazy love god vision until he found Aiba waiting for him at home. He only had time to change out of his suit before he was dragged out of his house by the over-excited god.

When he had first met him, Nino was working at a restaurant, and moonlighting as cashier at a conbini. He claimed that working in the kitchens of a four star restaurant had spoiled expensive food for him forever, so he often ate cheap fast food and bought microwavable dishes. Not much later, he had quit his job and had bought a game shop downtown. He had told Sho that his dream had always been to become a game programmer, but his parents, who were both chefs, had already decided his path for him. When he started managing the game shop he told Sho he was considering going to college to get a degree in computer programming, which he did when they started dating. Still, Nino liked managing his own shop, so he would spend most of his time there. He said it would cut the costs of having to hire someone to do it for him, but Sho knew that, despite his antisocial behavior, Nino loved to recommend games to people too much to give it up.

He saw him at his usual spot, and he felt some old feelings resurface. He never really loved Nino that way, he had always known that, but they had been friends before being boyfriends, and he did spend the last two years of his life having a romantic relationship with him. He had grown to love him in some way – maybe not as a lover, but certainly as more than a friend.

“I don't think he'll be happy to see me,” he whispered to Aiba, who was poking him in the side to make him go talk to him.

“I think he needs this as much as you do, Sho-chan,” he replied, and pushed him a little.

Sho stumbled in his feet and shot him a dirty look. When he saw the encouraging smile Aiba gave him, he took a deep breath and walked to the counter. Nino didn’t lift his head even when he got there, but Sho knew it wasn’t because he had seen him. Nino was always acting this way with costumers. He was simply too mesmerized with his games to bother looking up.

“H—hey,” Sho said.

Nino didn’t look up, but a hint of recognition in his eyes and a slight twitch of his left index finger told Sho that his ex-boyfriend had heard him.

“How…” Sho started and stopped in the same instant.

He looked over his shoulders. Aiba was mouthing a _‘go ahead’_ a few steps from them. Sho wondered why he wasn’t talking, since no one there could see or hear him. He sighed and tried again.

“How are things, Nino?” he blurted out before he could change his mind.

Nino scrolled his shoulders.

Sho held his hands together and stared at them. “Are—are you… I mean, things… with us—”

“We’re not getting back together, Sho,” Nino said in a dry tone.

“No, I know,” he said. “I just wanted to talk. Just talk.”

Nino paused his game to look at him. Sho smiled tentatively.

“Tonight at the usual place. Your treat.”

  


↢ ♥ ↣

  
The usual place was a fast food down the road from Nino’s apartment, on the corner of the street.

That had been the place where they had met, six years ago. Sho had just wandered there one lonely night, and he had asked Nino if he could sit with him since every table was already occupied. Nino, who was busy eating his burger, had scanned him from head to toe before nodding.

Sho pushed the door open and saw him sitting at their usual table. There was already a burger in front of Nino, and an hot dog waiting for him at his seat, with two servings of fries and drinks.

“You remembered my order,” Sho said when he got to the table.

Nino nudged for him to sit. When Sho had taken his place, Nino pushed a box wrapped in brown paper across the table.

“What’s this?” Sho asked, looking at the box that was being pushed into his hands.

“Your birthday present.”

Sho laughed. “And here I thought you had broken up with me because you didn’t want to spend money on my present.”

Nino snapped his tongue.

Sho unwrapped the box and opened it. It was full of scented candles and bath salts. “Wow, this is great, Nino,” he said, picking up a cinnamon candle and sniffing it. “Thank you.”

Nino placed his chin on his hand and looked at him. “You still love those right?”

“Yeah,” Sho smiled at him. He placed the box on the empty seat beside him. He scanned Nino’s face while he was picking up his burger. Behind his glasses, he had dark circles under his eyes. Sho imagined he had spent the previous night gaming online.

“Have you been eating?” he asked, concerned. Nino had the habits of not eating if he was too busy playing.

Nino scrolled his shoulders.

“How's studying?”

“Good,” he replied distractedly.

Sho watched him take a bite of his burger and turned his attention to his hot dog. They ate in silence until Nino broke it again.

“So, you seeing someone?”

Sho coughed. “I’m not,” he said, flustered. “We just broke up.”

Nino pierced him with his eyes and Sho shuddered. He always thought Nino could see into his mind. “You show up out of the blue and ask me how I’m doing,” he said. “You either want to get back together—”

“I don’t.”

“—or you want to see how I’m doing so you don’t feel guilty about moving on,” he concluded. “And we didn’t _just_ break up, it’s been a month already, and the relationship was over even longer before that.” Nino finished his burger and rubbed his hands clean. “Who is he?”

“There’s no one, honestly,” Sho replied.

Nino arched his eyebrow, making him sigh.

“Okay, this is going to sound crazy…” he begun. “When I woke up today I found a strange man in my bed…”

Nino whistled. “Sakurai Sho, having a one night stand,” he said with a smirk. “Didn’t think you had it in ya. I’m impressed.”

“That’s not it,” Sho blushed. “That man turned out to be a god of love or something. He’s like a cupid, but without the arrows. And without the diaper,” he added.

“A cupid,” Nino repeated.

“Yes, he told me he was going to help me find love.” Now that he had started, Sho couldn’t stop. He realized how crazy he must look to Nino, but the words kept coming out. “He has a notebook with my whole life on it, you know, like where I grew up, how many pets I owned, what’s my favorite food and stuff like that. He said the book will help him finding me a match, but he suggested I should talk to you first, settle things before I could move on.”

“You have a love god on your shoulder?” Nino asked him with a raised eyebrow.

“I know how it sounds,” Sho said, raising his hands in front of him defensively.

“Do you?” Nino asked. “Have you gone completely mad, Sho? Or is it some ploy to make me pity you so we can get back together? Because that’s not going to happen.”

“I don’t want to get back together,” Sho repeated, exasperated. “I was awful to you, wasn’t I?”

“Well, we did okay as friends, but as lovers… we weren’t made for each other, I guess.” Nino took his glasses and started cleaning them. “Then, can I meet him, this cupid guy? God knows I have shitty luck in love too. No offence,” he added.

Sho shook his head. “No one else can see him but his charges.”

Nino put his glasses back on and stared at him for a few seconds. Then, he pushed his plate away and stole some fries from Sho’s dish, despite still having some on his.

“Did he find you someone yet?” he asked, interest mixed with incredulity.

“Not yet,” Sho said.

Nino frowned. “You worry me, Sho-kun.”

“I imagine we will find out soon if this is all in my head or not,” Sho chuckled nervously. “If I’m not dating or married by next month, you’re free to call the asylum on me.”

Nino’s lips thinned. He picked another fry and ate it without saying a word.

When they were both finished with their food, Sho got up to pay. When he pushed the door of the fast food, he found Nino waiting for him outside.

“So…” he said.

Nino put his hands in his pockets. “Look, I meant it, I don’t think we ever worked as boyfriends,” he kicked an invisible rock on the ground, “but if you need anything, as a friend, just give me a call, okay?”

Sho nodded. “I agree. And likewise.”

“I hope you find your soulmate or whatever,” Nino said.

Sho smiled weakly. “Thanks, Nino.”

His ex huddled himself up in his jacket and left making a two fingers salute.

Sho watched him go, feeling his chest somewhat lighter. He shivered and pulled the collar of his coat up against the cold wind.

“Did you two have a good talk?”

Sho turned around. Aiba was standing beside him, watching Nino walk away.

“Didn’t you listen in?” Sho asked.

Aiba smiled. “I had a feeling you might want to keep things private between you two.”

Sho nodded. “Thank you.”

They walked together to Sho’s place in silence. Sho thought over his relationship with Nino and sighed inwardly. Thinking back on it, he rarely was there for Nino at all. They only saw each other on the weekends when Sho didn’t have to work, and they only did some things out of obligations and expectances instead of love. In the end, he was grateful to Nino for having the courage to break up with him.

When they got inside the apartment, Sho looked at Aiba a little embarrassed. Even if he could accept the thought of a love god being sent to help him out, he still wasn’t sure what he should do about it.

“So,” he said, avoiding the other’s gaze. “What now?”

Aiba sat down on a chair in the kitchen and showed him his notebook. “Now we find you a match.”

Sho sat down in front of him. “And how do we do that?”

Aiba hummed. “I will just run some names by the notebook. People you know, people who live close to you, and such. There are some exceptions, of course, but usually your match is someone you already know,” he explained.

Sho thought about those words. Someone he already knew? He didn’t know that many men who were into men. But then again, they could just be very private, like Sho was. Being gay wasn’t something that was so easily accepted by everyone, after all.

“And then,” Aiba continued, “after I pair you up, I will ask you a question.”

“What question?”

“ _Are you happy?_ ”

Sho blinked. “And then what?”

Aiba smiled. “Then I will disappear and leave you with your newfound partner and let you live with him happily ever after.”

Sho made an unconvinced sound. He thought back to Nino. What if he never found someone to be happy with?

As if he had been reading his thoughts, Aiba placed a hand on his shoulder. “Don’t worry, Sho-chan, I will help you find love. I promise,” he said with a warm voice.

Sho acknowledged his words with a nod.

“You should go sleep, shouldn’t you?” the god said, looking at the clock on the wall behind him.

Sho ruffled his hair. He was tired, and he had to go to work the next morning. “Yes, I probably should,” he convened.

He dragged his feet across the floor and changed in the bathroom. When he dropped his head on the pillow, he heard Aiba chanting a “good night, Sho-chan.” He tried to say it back, but he was already drifting to sleep.

  


↢ ♥ ↣

  


“Sho-chan!” Aiba’s voice pierced his ears.

Sho rolled over in his bed with a grunt, his eyes still closed and his mind still foggy.

He felt Aiba’s finger poke him on the cheek, and he slapped the hand away unsuccessfully. He tried to protest, but all that came out was an unintelligible groan.

“Come on, Sho-chan. You know what they say: the early bird catches the worm!”

Sho grunted in reply.

Aiba giggled. “Do you want me to go away?”

Sho nodded and pulled his covers up his head.

“Oh I see,” Aiba said. “That’s too bad, really.” Aiba was keeping a casual tone. “Giving up now that I found you a match…”

Sho pulled his covers down. He looked at Aiba, who was holding his notebook and was looking at him with a smirk on his lips.

“What?” Sho asked, his tongue still half-asleep in his mouth.

Aiba sat on the bed. “He’s a romantic soul like you, he loves music, reading, food, cuddling on the sofa while watching old movies, long walks on the beach at sunset…”

Sho snorted. “What’s that, a tinder profile?”

Aiba looked confused for a moment.

Sho waved his hand. “Never mind.” He felt his excitement rise. Aiba had found him a partner already! Was he going to be his true love? “Tell me about him.”

Aiba smiled, pleased to see that Sho was finally showing some interest. “You need to go to work, don’t you?” he said. “You go do your job, and I’ll do mine. I’ll tell you who your match is very soon, promise.” He smirked and vanished, leaving the man hanging.

Sho protested weakly when the god disappeared, but got up to get breakfast anyway. He tried not to feel too excited about the news. Aiba could still just be a weird trick of his mind, after all.

He got into his car and drove to the company building, parking on the same spot he had parked at for the last eight years. He made his way to the elevator holding his badge out for security, bowing and greeting everyone he knew.

He reached his floor with a yawn and headed for his office. But when he unlocked the door, he saw that someone was already occupying his spot at the desk.

Sho panicked and closed the door behind him in a rush. “What are you doing here?” he hissed, lowering the shades.

Aiba twirled on the rotating chair. “You know no one can see me, right?”

“Yeah, but they can see me talking to an invisible someone and I don’t want them to know I’ve lost my mind.” Sho dragged his hand on his face.

Aiba giggled. “You still think I’m not real?”

“It would be easier to believe you’re not a figment of my own imagination if others could see you, you know?” Sho said, frustrated.

He dropped on the small couch near the door and stared at the god.

“So, what are you doing here?”

Aiba grinned and got up from the chair. “I said I would introduce you to your match soon, didn’t I? Well, I say introduce… you already know each other,” he said.

“Wait, what!?” Sho exclaimed. “Is he here!? In this building!?”

The god nodded. “In this department actually.”

Sho’s eyes widened impossibly. Who could it be? His mind wandered back to the possibilities. There were a couple of guys he always thought weren’t straight, or at least swung both ways. There was Kamenashi, who was rumored to have a boyfriend, even though Sho had seen him with a woman with long black hair from time to time; and Okada, who wasn’t exactly subtle with him, grabbing his butt every time he saw him. He always thought it was done in jest, but now…

“Did you figure it out?” Aiba said, looking at him with an amused expression.

“Is it Okada Junichi?”

“Hmm.” Aiba squinted his eyes. “Would that be your type?”

Sho thought about it. The guy did okay in the looks department and he was fun enough as a friend. However, as a boyfriend… Sho had to admit he didn’t see exactly what they could have in common.

“Well, you’re the expert here…” he eventually said, diplomatically.

Aiba chuckled. “Don’t make that face, Sho-chan, it’s not him.” He moved closer to the shades and used two fingers to create a slit so he could peek outside. “You’re close though. It’s another _Jun_.”

Sho made a confused face. Another Jun? The only other Jun he knew was Taguchi Junnosuke from accountancy on the second floor, but he was not in his department – and was already married anyway – and Matsumoto Jun from across the hall.

“Matsumoto?” he asked, dumbfounded. “But Matsumoto is straight.”

Aiba, who was still looking outside, turned to face him. “You’re really dense, aren’t you?” he let go of the shades and sat down with him.

Sho blinked a few times. “What do you mean?”

Aiba rolled his eyes and took his notebook. “The poor guy has been pining after you for three years now,” he read. “He found out about your preference for men last year, when he saw you eating out with Ninomiya-san. Also, remember the necktie incident?”

Sho nodded. The necktie incident happened a few months ago, when he had a meeting with a big client and someone spilled coffee on his tie by accident. He had asked his assistant to go find him a clean one before the meeting, but when he got into his office he had found a brand new tie waiting for him on his desk. No one ever knew who put it there, but thanks to that stranger he could make it to the meeting in time.

“Wait, that was him!?”

“Yup.”

Sho’s face fell in shock. Matsumoto had liked him for so long and he never noticed? He thought back to his relationship with him. He was always polite, which was something Sho appreciated a lot, and always took care to serve him drinks and food when they went out with everyone after work. But if there were times Sho had thought Matsumoto had a soft spot for him, he quickly forgot it when he saw the way he interacted with the girls who were always throwing themselves at him. He always interpreted his gentle smile to them as interest, but now he thought he was probably just being a gentleman.

Aiba patted his knee. “Are you okay?”

Sho turned around. “Yeah.” He got up, and sat down again. “Yeah, I’m fine. I just-- Matsumoto-kun likes me,” he said, matter-of-factly. “What do I do?” He turned to Aiba with a lost expression.

The god couldn’t help but laugh. “I’m sorry, but you should see your face right now.”

“Aiba-kun,” Sho groaned. “The guy is seriously out of my league. Are you sure he likes me? He doesn’t even seem into men.”

Aiba gave him a small nod. “Trust me,” he said in a confident tone.

Sho scoffed. “Trust the crazy vision?”

Aiba rolled his eyes.

“So what happens now?” Sho asked against his better judgement.

“Now you’re going to ask him out.”

Sho’s eyes popped. “Are you crazy? I can’t do that.”

Aiba ignored him. “There’s a bakery right around the corner of his apartment that he goes to. You will tell him you’ve been meaning to try it and you will ask him out there. He’ll say yes, trust me.” And with that, he pushed him out of the door.

Sho looked around. People were starting to come in and settle at their desks or in their offices. He made his way to Matsumoto’s office, looking warily behind his shoulders.

“Boss,” he heard a voice call him.

“Ah, yes, Yamashita-kun.”

Yamashita handed him some papers. “This is the storyboard for the Kirin commercial. If you could look it over.”

Sho took the drawings. “Yes-- I’ll look at them later,” he said. “Could you leave them in my office?”

As soon as the man was out of sight, Sho knocked on Matsumoto’s office.

“Come in,” came the voice.

Sho took a deep breath and pushed the door. There was a man in a coat standing by the desk, pulling some papers out of his bag. “Matsumoto-kun.”

Matsumoto seemed surprised to see him. “Ah, Sakurai-san,” he replied with a small bow.

Sho examined his face. He was handsome, there were no doubts about that, and if Sho had known he liked him, he would have done something about it earlier. He also had a good fashion sense, he noted, and always wore clothes with various shades of white or blue. He never met with him outside of work apart from a few times when they’d both been out for a drink with other colleagues, but he suspected he was an interesting person. And Aiba had told him he liked to cook, which was something that definitely appealed to Sho.

“...to discuss about?” he was saying.

Sho blinked as he came back to reality. “I’m sorry, I was distracted. Could you repeat that?”

Matsumoto smiled a little and nodded. He started taking off his coat and his scarf. “I asked you if there was something that you wanted to discuss about my last report.”

“Oh,” Sho said. “Right, your report.” He scratched his ear and tried to remember. “No, everything was good, you did a great job.”

To his surprise, Matsumoto seemed flustered at that compliment. “Thank you,” he said.

Sho gulped. Maybe Aiba hadn’t been wrong. Maybe Matsumoto was really into him. It was time to find out if this thing was just in his mind or not, he decided. _Now or never._

“So, listen,” he begun, trying to sound casual, “we have half the day off today, right?”

Matsumoto nodded. “Because of the servers’ maintenance. I was surprised when they told us we’d be getting time off.”

Sho pressed his lips together, hesitating. “Do you have plans this afternoon after work?”

The man looked at him curiously and shook his head.

 _Alright, here goes nothing._ Sho took a deep breath.

“Because there’s this bakery that sells amazing pastries and I always thought about trying it but I never went and since I know you like trying out new food I thought we could go together but you don’t have to say yes if you don’t want to,” he said in one breath.

Matsumoto looked at him with an expression that seemed a mixture of shock and worry, and Sho felt his face become hotter with each passing second. It was over, he had done it. Matsumoto wasn’t gay, and now he was going to yell at him for being crazy. He would possibly file for sexual harassment too, who knows? And Sho would have to get some medical tests done to see if he was ill or just crazy.

Then, surprisingly, Matsumoto let out an embarrassed laugh and looked away. Sho realized he had stiffened when he felt his shoulders relax.

Matsumoto looked back at him with a shy expression. “I would love that, Sakurai-san,” he said, a blush appearing on his cheeks.

Sho couldn’t believe his ears. He let his mouth hang open for a few second before clearing his voice and pulling himself together.

“Then I’ll see you after work?” Matsumoto said, busying himself with a pile of documents on his desk to avoid looking at him.

Sho nodded. “I’ll wait for you in the hall,” he heard himself say.

Matsumoto shot him a fleeting smile and he stumbled his way out.

He ran to his office and closed the door behind him, pushing his back against it.

“I just asked Matsumoto out,” he said, incredulous.

Aiba, who was sitting on the couch, giggled silently.

“I just asked Matsumoto out,” he repeated, this time in a high pitched voice.

Aiba stood up and went to pat him on his shoulder. “Still believe I’m not real?”

Sho turned to look at him with a terrified expression.

No, this was definitely real.

  


↢ ♥ ↣

  


“What if he doesn’t come?” Sho hissed to the invisible figure beside him.

“He has to go home sooner or later, so he will definitely have to come down at least,” Aiba said.

“Yeah but what if--”

“Sho-chan,” the god interrupted him. “We’ve been at it for the last ten minutes. Calm down, will you? People are starting to think you’re crazy,” he added, pointing at the two receptionists, who were whispering and looking at him with a worried expression.

Sho straightened himself and gave them a little nod. The receptionists seemed startled at that, and they both lowered their gaze and pretended to be busy.

Aiba giggled a little and elbowed him in his ribs. Sho let out a sharp hiss and turned to him with an angry expression, but the god just pointed at something in front of him.

Sho saw Matsumoto getting off the elevator and jumped from his seat nervously. He felt his palms getting very sweaty all of a sudden, and his head started playing different scenarios, including one where Matsumoto himself was a ghost of his imagination and he would wake up in the hospital and find out he was in a coma the whole time.

“Sakurai-san,” the man greeted him.

Sho felt hot all of at sudden. “Matsumoto-kun,” he said. “Nice to see you.” He tried very hard to ignore Aiba cackling at his awkwardness. “Shall we go?”

Matsumoto nodded and lowered his gaze. _Ah, cute_ , Sho thought. He had never noticed Matsumoto could be this shy. He was normally very confident and outgoing. He wasn't used to this new side of him.

They walked together, with Aiba on tow, to the parking lot. Since Matsumoto had used the subway, they agreed that they would take Sho's car to his apartment, and then walk to the bakery.

The whole time in the car, Aiba would tell Sho about Matsumoto's interests so that they could make small talk. Sho soon found out that the other man loved good food, and loved to cook, and had gone as far as taking cooking lessons when he was younger.

“How come didn't you become a chef?” he asked him later, as they were sitting at a table in the bakery.

“My parents thought I should be pursuing another kind of career,” Matsumoto said with a shrug.

Sho nodded, sympathetically. “It was the same for me,” he said, bitterly. “My parents had this whole plan laid out for me.”

Aiba had left as soon as they had gotten in the shop, and Sho had found it easier to talk to Matsumoto from then on. He was genuinely interested in the man, and even if he had still felt nervous during the ‘date,’ he had slowly started to warm up to him.

Still, as they walked together back to Matsumoto's apartment, he couldn’t help but wonder... what did he see in him? They maybe had a lot in common, yes, but he only knew that because of Aiba’s notebook. He didn't understand why the other man had carried a torch for him for so long.

“Sakurai-san?” Matsumoto called him.

“I don't get it,” he mumbled.

“Sorry?”

“I mean, why do you even like me?” he blurted out without thinking.

“Well,” he started. “You’re professional, hard-working, outspoken and reliable. And you can also be funny and outgoing. Plus, I love to see you eat.” He chuckled, a bit embarrassed.

Sho flushed. “Sorry.” He scratched his neck. “You know, you're so earnest. I would have probably freaked out if you had asked me that all of a sudden,” he said with a chuckle.

Matsumoto joined in.

“So…” Sho started.

“So,” repeated Matsumoto. “I had fun.”

Sho smiled sheepishly. “Me too.”

“We should do this again sometimes,” the other said. “If you'd like,” he added quickly.

Sho nodded. “We should.”

Matsumoto waved him goodbye and got inside the building. Sho waited to see his silhouette disappear before he turned back and started walking to his place.

He thought he wouldn't see Aiba till the next day, but he was apparently wrong. He pushed open the door to his apartment and found him standing there, evidently waiting for him.

“Welcome back!” Aiba yelled.

Sho let out a – very manly and totally not high pitched – scream that made the god laugh so hard he ended up in tears.

“What are you doing here!? Geez, you scared the hell out of me,” Sho said as he clutched his chest.

Aiba calmed down and pulled him to the couch to sit him down.

“How did it go?” he asked excitedly. “Isn't he perfect? Are you happy? Aren't you in love? When are you moving in together?”

Sho's eyes popped. “Calm down,” he stuttered. “We just went out once. We didn't even kiss.”

Aiba seemed a little disappointed at that, but his expression changed immediately. “It's okay, I just _know_ this is going to work,” he said cheerfully. “So I guess that means you're not happy yet? Do I get to stay on earth some more?”

Sho felt strangely numb. There was something at the back of his mind that he couldn't fully recall or comprehend, but he found himself nodding at Aiba's words.

The god thought about it and seemed to decide he wasn't totally displeased with the situation. “Great,” Aiba said. “You know, I've never stayed on earth more than three days at a time. This is weird.”

Sho groaned. “Not as weird as having a love god in your house, I can assure you.”

The god smiled. “It’s not going to take long, you’ll see. You’ll be falling for him in no time.”

  


↢ ♥ ↣

  


It had been almost two weeks now.

He had gone out with Matsumoto three times, and he had made it a point to kiss him that night when he brought him home, a development both the other man and Aiba seemed to be happy about.

When he got back after his date, he found Aiba waiting for him with an expectant smile. He had sat him on the couch and had demanded to know about their night, almost squealing when Sho told him with a blush that they had kissed.

It’s just that to Sho, that kiss wasn’t right. He thought, being a perfect match like Aiba said, there would be something more to sharing a kiss with Matsumoto. Instead, their lips had just met awkwardly, and maybe a little drunkenly, and it had felt nice after a while, yes, but not… _wow_.

“Say, Aiba-kun,” Sho begun, “are you sure this is going to work?”

Aiba looked at him questioningly. “Why do you say that?”

Sho sighed. “Matsumoto-kun is nice. He even brings me food at work now. It’s just that…” _How to explain it? It’s just that when we kiss it doesn’t feel right?_ “I don’t know if it’s… well, love.”

“Don’t worry about that,” Aiba reassured him. “He’s a perfect match for you. My notebook is never wrong.”

“Have you ever fallen in love?” Sho asked abruptly.

“Me?” Aiba stuttered. Sho could see a faint blush appearing on his face for a split second. He was about to say something when Aiba spoke again, looking at him with emotionless eyes. “I can’t fall in love.”

“What do you mean you can’t?”

Aiba didn’t reply. With the same blank expression, he grabbed one of Sho’s hands and put it on his chest.

Sho looked at him in confusion before he realized something. “I can’t hear your heartbeat.”

Aiba smiled wistfully. “I don’t have a heart. None of us do.” He let go of Sho’s hand. “It’s so we don’t fall in love with our charges.”

Sho nodded, shocked. Wasn’t it a bit cruel, that a god of love couldn’t fall in love? “Have you ever wondered what it’s like?”

“Oh I know what it’s like!” Aiba chirped with what sounded as fake excitement to Sho’s ears. “Your cheeks flush, your palms get sweaty, your heartbeat quickens, your body produces more adrenaline and dopamine, and your tummy gets all funny.” He laughed.

Sho looked at him to study his expression. He heard the sadness in his laugh, and recognized the same feeling in his eyes. “That’s just a physical reaction though,” he said. He placed his hand over his chest, where his heart was. “When you’re in love you feel it _here_. And _here_ ,” he touched his temples. “You can only think about that person. You can’t eat, you can’t sleep. You can’t see anyone else in the world, because your eyes are full of that person and that person only…”

He took a long breath as Aiba held his in anticipation.

“And when you kiss…” Sho continued “…the whole world stops, and you wish you could melt in that instant.” He stared intensely at the god. “And when it’s true love, you know it because a kiss is better than chocolate, better than a fireplace in winter, better than a child’s laugh. There’s fireworks, and angels singing, and bells…” he lowered his gaze, suddenly embarrassed by his own words. “Or at least that’s what I imagine it to be,” his voice trailed off.

Aiba chuckled warmly. “Has anyone ever told you you’re a hopeless romantic, Sho-chan?”

Sho laughed a little at that. “Yeah, I’ve been told quite a lot actually.” _But never as a compliment_ , he thought to himself.

“I like it,” Sho heard Aiba say with seriousness in his voice. He looked up, and he was sure that he had seen something different in the god’s eyes in that moment.

Noticing the way Sho was staring at him, Aiba instinctively backed away a little. His serious expression changed into a contented grin on his face. “Being romantic is good. Matsumoto-san is really lucky to have you.”

And with that, he started looking at his notebook, making excited comments on romance and how many people secretly wished for it, and repeating how Matsumoto was the perfect match for him.

Sho listened in silence, nodding casually here and there. He was still thinking about Aiba’s revelation. He didn’t have a heart, so he couldn’t feel love. And yet, there was something in the way he had looked at him earlier. Something that, if he didn’t know better, he would call affection.


	2. Chapter 2

“You know,” Sho said the next night when he caught Aiba smelling his scented salts, “I can prepare you a hot bath if you’d like.”

He had just got back from work and had called for Aiba to tell him he was home. When he hadn’t received a reply, he had started looking for him, and had found him in his bathroom, looking and sniffing at the candles and the salts with a curious look on his face.

“Ah, I’m sorry,” Aiba said in a flustered tone when he saw Sho’s figure leaning against the doorframe while looking at him.

The man chuckled and waved his hand. “It’s okay.” He stepped in the bathroom and took one of the salts to inhale the scent. “Do you like them?”

Aiba nodded.

“I meant what I said. I can prepare you a hot bath, if you’d like to try them.”

Aiba shook his head. “I was just curious,” he said. “They smell very good.” He shot a longing look to the bottle in Sho’s hands.

Sho smiled at him. “So you’ve never tried scented salts?”

Aiba’s eyes filled with innocence and wonder. “I haven’t. I actually have never taken a bath before.”

“You’ve never taken a hot bath?” Sho gasped.

Aiba shook his head again. “I’ve always been curious, but I never got to. To be fair, I’ve never had to stay so long on earth.” He chuckled. “My charges usually accept their matches and send me on my way right after.”

Sho ignored the cutting remark aimed at him. “Then you _have_ to take one.” He opened the tap and regulated the temperature. “Really, it’s one of the best things in life. Well, human life, at least,” he added as an afterthought.

Aiba giggled as Sho lighted some candles and then dropped some sandalwood scented salt in the water. When the tub was nearly full, he closed the tap and turned off the lights.

“ _Jaaan_ ,” he said, opening his arms excitedly.

Aiba inhaled the scent of sandalwood and smiled. In the dim light of the candles, his eyes seemed to twinkle. Sho looked at the god as he got closer to the tub and kneeled in front of it, observing the lights dance on the water. He felt his heart leap to his throat as the figure on the floor made a contented hum.

“This is so pretty, Sho-chan,” Aiba said, full of gratitude.

Sho scratched his neck and thanked the heavens that it was dark, so the god couldn’t see the blush that he was sure was now on his cheeks. “It’s nothing special.”

They spent a few seconds like that, Aiba looking at the water, and Sho looking at Aiba, before the man spoke again.

“There are some towels in the cupboard under the sink,” he said automatically.

Aiba hummed again.

“You should probably hand me your jacket, though. Humidity isn’t good on leather.”

Aiba turned to him. “Oh, yes, thank you.”

The god stood up and pulled off his jacket, revealing a shirt with some words written on it.

“Thank you,” he said again, and Sho made a little nod with his head.

The man turned around and got out of the bath, closing the door behind him with a click. He looked at the jacket in his arms and heaved a big sigh.

What was he thinking?

He dragged his feet to his bed and dropped the jacket there. He went to the living room, taking his tablet along to read some news while he waited. He looked at the screen with a blank stare for a while before he opened his favorite news sites. He tried to concentrate, but when he had to read the same sentence five times, he gave it up.

He placed his tablet on the coffee table in front of him and laid back on the couch with a groan. He slid his hands in his hair and stood still, thinking about things. He liked Matsumoto. A lot. But lately he was starting to feel weird around Aiba, and that upset him. He wondered why Aiba made his heart flutter when he was supposed to be falling in love with Matsumoto.

What if…

 _No,_ he cut himself off. Matsumoto was his match. Sho was sure they would be happy together. He was fun, nice, hardworking, honest… and he could cook! He was perfect for him, he was sure of that.

And yet, a little part inside of him told him that something was amiss. The spark. The joy. The intensity. There had been nothing of the sort when he and Matsumoto kissed.

He shook his head. He was being stupid again. These things didn’t happen in real life, did they? There were no fireworks to tell you you have found the one. Only love gods – apparently – and their perfect numbers telling them who to match.

Suddenly, a thought came over him. He jumped up from the couch and slapped himself on the forehead. The numbers! Aiba’s notebook had the answer he was looking for. If he saw the numbers for himself, he would be convinced that Matsumoto was the one, he was sure of that. If the notebook told him he was his perfect match, he would accept it and send Aiba away, ready to start his new life with his new lover.

He got back to his bedroom and found Aiba’s leather jacket on the bed where he left it. He patted it, and barely contained a happy noise when he felt a bulge. He knew he probably shouldn’t do it without permission, but he really needed to know. Just one look couldn’t hurt, right? With no hesitation, he slipped his hand into the jacket’s pocket, and pulled out Aiba’s little green book.

He started flipping the pages, noting distractedly that there were a lot of names. When he reached the end of the book, he found his profile.

 _Sakurai Sho, 35, in a relationship, advertising manager at_ Tabekome _._

He skimmed through his life story and flipped the pages till he found what he was looking for. The last page showed his past relationships. There were pictures of his past lovers, and a brief profile. It stated their age, their current status, and their occupation. Under each profile there was a percentage stating Sho’s chance at love and at friendship with each of them.

He eyed curiously at Nino’s, and wasn’t surprised to see that their chance at love was only 5%. He noticed happily that their chance at friendship was much higher, though. 78% wasn’t bad at all, and maybe when a little time had passed Sho could try to be friends with Nino again. He had to admit he missed him and their game nights a lot.

Just under Nino’s profile, he found Matsumoto’s picture. The profile stated he was 33, in a relationship, and currently employed as marketing employee at _Tabekome_. Sho took a deep breath and looked at the rest of the page. There, on the bottom, he finally found it:

_Chances at love: 86%  
Chances at friendship: 14% _

He froze.

86% wasn’t bad, was it? He thought it would be higher, because Aiba had told him Matsumoto was the best match for him, but… that wasn’t a bad number was it? It was good, it meant that he could now accept it and move on. Right?

He heard the sound of faint footsteps coming from the bathroom, so he quickly put the notebook back and tried to calm himself. He left the jacket on the bed and got out of his bedroom before Aiba could open the door and find him there.

He threw himself on the couch, thinking about what he just saw. He thought he would be able to forget every doubt he had once he saw the numbers, but everything got worse. Now that he had seen the numbers, now that he knew what the chances were, he didn’t know what to feel anymore. What if Aiba was wrong? What if Matsumoto wasn’t the one who was good for him? What if someone else was more suitable for Sho? His head hurt just thinking about it.

 _‘What if Aiba is the one for you?’_ a traitorous voice in his mind said.

A whiff of sandalwood reached his nostrils. “You’re right.”

Sho lifted his head and saw the god drop on the couch beside him. He had his jacket back on and a relaxed smile on his face.

“Taking a hot bath really _is_ one of the best things in life.”

Sho smiled weakly. “I’m glad you liked it.”

Aiba turned to look at him. “Wait! Don’t you have an appointment with Matsumoto-san today?”

Sho nodded. He had forgotten about it, and now, after having seen what he had, he really didn’t feel like going out with him.

“Maybe I should cancel. I don’t feel so well.”

Aiba looked at him concerned. “What is it? Are you sure you don’t want to go?”

“No, you’re right,” Sho replied automatically. “Matsumoto-kun is leaving for three days, I should see him tonight.”

He got up as Aiba looked at him curiously and went to the bathroom to freshen up. He stared at the tub from the mirror. There was still a distinct scent of sandalwood in the air that was making him dizzy.

When he had changed clothes, he made his way to the door. Aiba was leaning against the walls, waiting for him with a strange look on his face. When he heard Sho’s footsteps, though, his lips curved up in his usual beautiful smile.

“Are you ready, Sho-chan?”

Sho nodded. “I’m going then,” he said, feeling a weight on his chest at the way Aiba’s smile widened.

“Don’t come back that soon, ne?” the god said with a knowing look, closing the door behind him.

  


↢ ♥ ↣

  


He was meeting Matsumoto at some new restaurant a few blocks from his house.

He stopped right before the door and eyed the sign above his head when he heard Matsumoto’s voice coming from behind him:

“Sho-san.”

Sho turned and looked at him. He was dressed in a simple long, grey coat over combat boots, jeans, and a light blue shirt underneath. He beamed at Sho, and he couldn’t help but return the smile.

“Have you been waiting a lot?” Matsumoto asked when he got in front of him. “Why aren’t you inside?”

“I just got here,” Sho replied. “I was about to go in when you called.”

Matsumoto nodded and hesitated a second. Sho saw the way his arm moved imperceptibly, and he realized Matsumoto had thought of taking his hand. Sho smiled at him again, and gestured to him to lead the way. He could see the slight disappointment cloud the other man’s eyes, and felt guilty about it.

Without really thinking, he murmured: “I’m sorry.”

Matsumoto who was pushing the door in the front turned to look at him with a questioning look. “Did you say anything?”

Sho shook his head and stepped in to hold the door open for them.

Matsumoto told the waiter his name and they got escorted to their table. Sho let the other man order for him since he seemed to know the place. Matsumoto looked at him with a flick of nervousness as he told the waiter the order, maybe a little afraid that Sho would not like what he got for him.

After reassuring him with a smile, Matsumoto seemed to relax and they started chatting about his three-days work trip to a convention held in Osaka.

“It’s just going to be four of us going to Osaka,” he was saying, “Kamenashi and Toma from our department you already know. And then there’s a girl, Ishihara-san. Do you know her?”

“Ishihara,” Sho mused. “That fashionable girl from the art department on the fifth floor?”

“Yes, that’s her,” Matsumoto confirmed.

Sho chuckled. “Doesn’t she have a crush on you? Then again,” he pondered. “Half the building has a crush on you.”

Matsumoto groaned. “Don’t joke about that, Sho-san. Valentine’s day is awful for me. My desk ends up full of chocolate and I can never find the documents I need. I don’t even like chocolate!”

Sho laughed again. “Well, you can always swing by my desk and drop all the unwanted sweets to me, I don’t mind.”

“No way,” Matsumoto said forcibly.

Sho saw the frown on his face and quickly apologized. “Sorry, it was a joke.”

“I’m not going to let you eat that chocolate, Sho-san,” Matsumoto said with a blush. “I will make you so much chocolate to last you a week. That way you will only eat mine.”

“You’re giving me chocolate for Valentine’s day?” Sho asked, dumbfounded. “You’re _making_ it?”

Matsumoto blushed even more. “It’s stupid, I—”

Sho interrupted him. “I’ve never had a boyfriend make me chocolate before.” Now he was feeling hot too.

In the past two years of his relationship with Nino, he had always been the one to give out the chocolate to him. Nino didn’t like sweets very much, but, to his credit, he always ate it with a little smile. When White Day would come around, Nino would reward Sho by treating him to dinner somewhere. But there was nothing romantic in the way they did things. Sho gave Nino chocolate because it was Valentine’s, it was the most romantic day of the year, and he wanted to experience that. And Nino treated him on White Day because he had to, not because he wanted to. He knew that, if given the choice, Nino would rather spend the day at home instead of going out.

And then there was Matsumoto. He had told him he was going to not only give him chocolate, but make it himself. Sho felt some kind of warmth in his heart that he hadn’t known could be there. He felt touched at the consideration, and asked himself if he really deserved Matsumoto’s affection.

“Thank you,” he said, somewhat guiltily.

Matsumoto blinked and looked away, flustered. “I still haven’t given you anything,” he said. “You never know, it could taste really bad.”

“I would like it anyway,” Sho said with a smile.

After that conversation, their dinner went on without a hitch. Sho saw Matsumoto smile when he praised the food, obviously pleased that his recommendation had been good. When the bill came, Sho insisted to pay, but the other man wouldn’t have any of it. Since he was the one who asked him out, he had said, he would pay. In the end, Sho had conceded and Matsumoto had grinned triumphantly.

They walked the street to Matsumoto’s house in silence. Sho wondered if he should take the man’s hand in his, but he was wary about it. He didn’t want people to see them, even if there weren’t that many around at that hour, and before he knew it, they had reached the building.

They took the elevator to Matsumoto’s apartment. Once outside the door, the man wrapped his arms around his neck and pulled him in for a kiss.

Sho closed his eyes and tentatively placed his hands on his waist. Matsumoto was taller than him, so he had to slightly tilt his head up to meet him halfway. He hesitated when he felt the other man wanting to deepen the kiss, but, just as he was about to pull away, Matsumoto did first.

“Do you want to come in?” he asked him, arms still wrapped around his neck.

Sho had felt the nervousness in his voice when he had spoken. They hadn’t talked about being exclusive yet, but that would seal the deal, wouldn’t it? This wasn’t something he should take lightly, yet his body didn’t seem to cooperate. His breath hitched with anticipation, his mind getting ahead of itself, making him visualize Matsumoto’s naked body pressed against his, the kisses, the lovemaking, the happiness of waking up the next morning and finding him in his arms…

But then his heart stopped as he remembered something else.

The way it felt when he had looked at Aiba that night. The way it felt when he had found out about what was written in the god’s notebook. The way he felt every time he got home to find Aiba waiting for him. Was this the right thing to do? Should he really enter that door, knowing all the implications and repercussions that were concealed behind a simple yes?

Sho gently pulled away from the embrace and put his hands in his pockets. He smiled gently at Matsumoto. “You should rest. You have an early flight tomorrow, don’t you?”

There it was again, the disappointment. Sho felt a pain in his heart seeing the way the other man nodded quietly and put on a fake smile.

“You’re right,” he said, almost emotionless. “I’ll send you a text when I get there?”

Sho gave him a nod. “Please do. Have a nice trip, Jun-san.”

“Thank you,” the other man said. He hesitated a little, but then he leaned in to leave a peck on his lips. “Good night, Sho-san.”

“Good night,” Sho said as he watched him close the door.

He walked out of the building with his hands still in his pockets. His house wasn’t far from there, so it didn’t take him long to find himself standing outside his own building.

He looked up at his apartment. The lights were off, but he saw him anyway. Aiba was there by the window, looking outside at the night sky.

As if he felt his presence, the god looked down and saw him. Sho held his gaze for a few seconds before turning around and sitting on the bench just outside the building.

He heard a rustling of leaves and a faint scent of sandalwood a moment later.

“Sho-chan?”

He didn’t have to look up to know who that voice belonged to.

“What are you doing here?” Aiba asked. “I was waiting for you, and I was thinking that maybe you weren’t…” a pause “...going to come back tonight.” He sat beside him on the bench.

Sho shrugged. He tried to say something, but what? Why am I not falling for him? Why were you made without a heart? Why do I feel hopeless, guilty, and desperate, when I should be feeling in love?

“Sho-chan?” Aiba repeated. “What’s wrong? Aren’t you happy?”

Sho gulped. It wasn’t that he was unhappy with Matsumoto. But was he happy? He shook his head.

Aiba sighed. “You’ve been weird since this evening. What is it?”

Sho took a deep breath. “Do you think maybe Matsumoto is not the right match for me?”

Aiba looked at him warily. “Did you read my notebook, by any chance?”

Sho lowered his gaze. There was no point in denying, was it? He nodded weakly.

“It said me and Matsumoto-kun have 86% of chance at being lovers,” he said. “He’s good for me, but he’s not perfect. Not a perfect match, like you said.”

The god took his hand and that made him look up. “Do you like Matsumoto-san?”

Sho swallowed. Did he? Did he like Matsumoto? He remembered the first time he had seen him. Yes, he found him gorgeous – and way out of his league, if he had to say so himself. But they both loved old movies, they both loved food, they both laughed at the same things, and even tonight, while he was having his doubts, he couldn’t help but feel at ease with him and enjoy himself. Maybe it wasn’t love yet, but it could be in time, couldn’t it?

“I do,” he murmured. “I think I do.”

“Good,” Aiba said, squeezing his hand reassuringly. “Numbers are just that: numbers. You can’t define any form of love.”

Sho shook his head. That wasn’t how it worked, he thought. Numbers were sharp, precise. He could rely on numbers for anything. Sho liked neatness and precision. He looked at Aiba’s hand still on his. He wondered fleetly what chances he and Aiba would have at love.

He placed his other hand on top of the god’s, turning it around so it was facing palm-up. He pressed one of his fingers on the wrist, hoping to feel a beat somehow. But there was nothing to be heard there, no matter how hard he tried.

Aiba slowly slipped his hand out of his, and Sho just watched as the small heat disappeared from his grip. He clasped the cold air instead, and threw his head back, closing his eyes.

“Do you think we could beat all the odds?” he asked, hesitantly.

Aiba’s voice was warm when he spoke. “If there’s anyone who can, it’s you.”

Sho looked back at him, but Aiba wasn’t looking his way. Instead, the god was staring in front of himself, one hand holding the other that was in Sho’s grasp just seconds earlier.

“Matsumoto-san will be perfect for you, you’ll see,” he added in a whisper.

Sho sighed, sensing a sharp pain in his chest. He never told Aiba that he wasn’t talking about Matsumoto, but he thought Aiba knew anyway.

  


↢ ♥ ↣

  


The next morning Sho woke up in bed with no recollection of how he got there. He faintly remembered Aiba pulling him up from the bench and in his apartment. Sho had let him drag him back there without opposing resistance. He remembered that all he had thought at that time was how things would be different if Aiba was the one he was paired with. He wondered if he’d kiss Aiba out on the streets, too in love to care about people seeing them. He wondered if he’d be taking Aiba home that night, nervous and excited about spending their first night together. He also wondered if he would ever feel that way about Matsumoto. If he’d ever kiss him while everyone was looking, instead of hiding in the dark halls of a building.

He had a very meager breakfast before leaving for work. The offices were going to be busier than ever that day, since some of their colleagues were sent off to conventions around the nation.

The whole day passed in a daze, but the positive aspect of it was that he was too busy to think. He took every report, every phone call, every document, as a bliss in disguise. As long as he kept working, his thoughts couldn’t torture him.

He was glad Matsumoto had been sent out for three days. He really couldn’t have made it if he kept finding him smiling at him from behind his desk, or bringing him coffee during their breaks. Just seeing his name when he got his text saying he got to the hotel safe and sound made him feel loaded with guilt and insecurity.

When he got home that evening, he didn’t call for Aiba. He still needed to be alone, and having the god around was not going to do anything. He needed the time to think, to understand what was going on inside his head, before he could confront him.

Aiba had told him numbers weren’t always exact, but Sho knew differently. If his chance to be with Matsumoto was that high, then why did he have so many doubts? Should he consider breaking things off? But then what? Ask Aiba to find him a more suitable partner, one with even better numbers? But what if there was no one else for him? What if 86% was the best chance Sho had at love?

The god had asked him if he liked Matsumoto, and he did, he was sure. He enjoyed his company, he loved talking about their shared interests, and going together to fancy restaurants. But he thought he should be in love by now. If a guy adores you, and he’s the best match for you… wouldn’t you fall in love?

He grabbed his tablet from his bag and went to lay on his bed. He turned it on and blinked at the page that appeared when he unlocked the device. There was something he had started scribbling during lunch break there. It was random thoughts, incomplete chunks of words. He thought about the uncertainty and the feeling of shortness of breath he felt in that moment. Words, he thought, were the only things that got him through when he was fighting with his internal turmoil.

Sho rubbed his eyes. It had been a long time since he had felt so insecure about something. He remembered his teenage days, when he was still trying to figure out his sexuality, and how the only way for him to let it all out was to turn to pen and paper.

He never thought of himself as much of a poet, but he did alright. He had a box tucked away in his closet full of completed poems, as well as incomplete ones. He had found writing the only way to free himself, and had kept every single poem in memory of that.

He looked at the finished product on the gleaming page of his tablet. He read the poem over and over in his head, but didn’t feel satisfied about it. He moved the words around, cut the sentences in strange places. Yes, he thought. Only reading this, his breath hitched, bringing out his emotions at every pause, forcing him to stop and think, but go on with his reading so that he could finish the sentence, try to make a sense of it, his heart beating unsteadily at every turn.

He closed his eyes and pulled the tablet to his heart, wondering if he should just erase the poem and get this over with once and for all.

  


↢ ♥ ↣

  


He woke up a couple of hours later without having realized he had fallen asleep at all. He stretched and heard the tablet fall on the floor.

“Hey,” Aiba said.

Sho looked up to see the god standing by the window. “Hey yourself,” he said.

The god pulled away from the window and picked the tablet from the floor. Sho closed his eyes again as he felt the mattress sink under the additional weight when the other sat down.

“What is this?” the god asked, looking at the screen curiously.

Sho’s eyes shot open and he snatched the tablet from Aiba’s hands immediately. “It’s nothing,” he mumbled.

Aiba grinned. “Let me read that!” he exclaimed, jumping forward to steal the device from his hands.

“N—no, wait,” Sho stuttered, trying to get away.

In the end though, the god was quicker – and stronger – than Sho, so he managed to grab the tablet and disappear from Sho’s grip in a whiz.

“Aiba!” Sho yelled. He grabbed the doorknob of his bedroom and ran into the kitchen. Aiba was sitting on a stool near the kitchen counter, the tablet in his hands, mouthing the words as he read along.

When the god heard Sho come into the room, he looked up with a strange expression on his face. Sho scratched his neck, flustered, and looked at anywhere but at Aiba.

“Sho-chan,” the god whispered. “This is beautiful.”

Sho let out a low groan. “Please don’t mock me, Aiba-kun,” he said, mortified.

“No, really,” Aiba said sincerely, jumping up from the stool and coming closer to him. He handed him the tablet with a solemn air. “You should show this to Matsumoto.”

Sho looked up at him. His eyes were fixed on him, a serious expression on his face that he had never seen before. He thought he would be able to read Aiba’s thoughts by now, but the more he spent time with him, the more he realized the god was more than just his smiles and his bubbly, happy-go-lucky appearance. He really couldn’t figure him out.

As Sho looked on, Aiba nudged him again, his lips curving in a gentle smile that somehow didn’t seem to reach his eyes. “I’m happy Sho-chan is falling in love,” he added as an afterthought.

Sho nodded a little. He took the tablet from his hands, and their fingers brushed against each others for a moment. Aiba smiled at him encouragingly and told him that maybe a handwritten note would be more romantic than an email. After saying that, the god giggled and went back to his seat, pulling his notebook out and checking his notes.

Sho stood on his spot for a few seconds. He looked down at the tablet, not really seeing it, but trying to think. Aiba has said he was happy, didn’t he? Yet he thought he had seen something else in Aiba’s eyes when their hands touched. Something a little too close to misery than happiness.

Without thinking, he said the first words that came to mind. “Do you like me, Aiba-kun?”

Aiba blinked and looked up. “Where’s that coming fr—”

“Just humor me,” Sho interrupted him. “If I asked you to tell me what you liked about me, what would you say?”

Aiba looked away. “Sho-chan is nice,” he said. Sho could see his fingers playing with the zipper of his jacket for a while before he spoke again.

“You like to make others think you’re cool and in control, and you always act like a leader. But I know that you have a cute side too,” he smiled gently, as if he was talking to himself and remembering something. “You make silly faces and fail a lot. You like girly things like scented salts and cheesecake, but you’re not afraid to let it show.” The god turned around. “You laugh out loud, and when you’re happy your eyes wrinkle a lot and you clap your hands uncontrollably, and I find that adorable. You’re dense, and you make a lot of mistakes when it comes to your love life,” he shook his head affectionately. “But that’s good, because you have me.”

Sho’s throat felt dry all of a sudden. He moved closer and sat down beside him. “You haven’t told me what you like,” he croaked.

“I like everything about Sho-chan,” Aiba said.

Sho let his hand wander on the kitchen counter. Slowly, looking at Aiba’s eyes, he brushed the god’s fingers with his. Aiba’s gaze didn’t budge, and that gave him the courage to take his hand in his. He got up from the stool and inched closer. The god remained still, watching Sho’s lips part a little. The man stopped when they were so close that he could feel their hot breaths mixing together. He licked his mouth, and felt Aiba’s hand tighten around his, pulling him in imperceptibly. Sho’s head was spinning from the closeness, his heart beating like mad, his palms sweating and making him uncomfortable. He looked into Aiba’s eyes and saw him look back, the uncertainty and the desire mirroring his own. He closed his eyes, ready to taste the full lips that were right in front of him…

“Sho-chan,” Aiba whispered on his lips. “Your phone is ringing.”

Sho opened his eyes and saw the god pull away. He felt his hand slip out of his, and that seemed to break him from his trance. He looked around, trying to locate the sound, before remembering that it was in his pockets.

“Hello?” He answered without looking at the caller ID.

“Hi,” Matsumoto’s voice replied.

Sho looked guiltily at Aiba. “Jun-san.”

He saw the god flinch slightly at the mention of his name. Aiba got up from the stool and left the kitchen, leaving him alone.

Sho leaned against the counter and dragged his hand on his face.

“Is this not a good time?” Matsumoto asked. “I can call later if you want.”

“No, it’s fine. Sorry, I was distracted for a second.”

“Long day at work?” Matsumoto said, sympathetically.

“Yeah, you could say that,” Sho commented wryly. “How about you? How’s the convention?”

Sho heard Matsumoto laugh. “Oh, you would love it here. All we did today was eat. I’m pretty sure I gained five pounds already.”

“I’m glad it’s going well,” Sho said distractedly.

“Are you sure it’s okay to talk? You sound weird.”

Sho sighed. “I’m sorry. I-- maybe you’re right, I’m not completely in it right now.” He heard Matsumoto hum in agreement. “Can I call you tomorrow?”

“Sure,” the other replied. Sho wasn’t sure why, but he thought his voice sounded weird. “Please take care of yourself, Sho-san.”

“I will, thank you.” He paused a second, unsure what to say.

“Goodnight then,” Matsumoto said.

“Goodnight,” he said back.

He hung up and stared at his phone, looking at it accusingly. If it hadn’t ringed, would he be kissing Aiba now? His heart skipped a beat at the thought, but his head hurt from the confusion.

He went to the sink and got some water on his face. _What the heck is wrong with me?_

He put his phone back in his pockets and carefully stepped out of the kitchen and into the living room. Aiba had apparently found an old book of his on oil paintings and was now flicking the pages without much interest.

“What are you doing?” he asked.

Aiba didn’t look up. “What did Matsumoto-san say?”

“He’s fine,” Sho replied. He looked at his feet and shifted his weight.

“Things should be fine between you, shouldn’t they?” Aiba said, dryly. “Doesn’t he make you happy?”

Sho hesitated for a second. “He’s great,” he admitted.

“Then why won’t you just say it?” Aiba hissed, shutting the book violently. “Are you happy?” he asked, looking at him in the eyes.

Sho looked back and saw the anger swirling inside him. He opened his mouth to reply, but nothing came out.

Aiba growled in frustration, but when he spoke he didn’t sound angry. If anything, Sho could feel his voice break a little. “You know, when I was assigned to you, they told me you said you’d be giving up on love the night of your birthday. I couldn’t let you do that, I thought. I would help you in any way I could and you’d believe in love again.”

Sho hesitated. He took at step forward. “It’s not-- it’s complicated now, Aiba-kun.”

“Love is not complicated,” Aiba said. “It shouldn’t be. If it’s complicated… if it hurts, then it’s not right.” He shook his head. “It can’t be right.”

Sho clenched his fists. “Sometimes… sometimes love can be complicated. And that’s what makes it worth it.”

Aiba turned to look at him. “We’re not in a romantic movie, Sho-chan,” he said in a dry tone that sounded so wrong on him. “There are no star-crossed lovers in the love business. Our matches are calculated for a reason.” He lowered his eyes. “I see that now.”

“Don’t say that,” Sho said. “You said numbers aren’t important, didn’t you?”

Aiba’s gaze wavered. “I get it now,” he said. “I get why love gods don’t have a heart. It’s so we can’t get carried away by sentimental stuff.”

He only turned briefly to look at him before he vanished.

  


↢ ♥ ↣

  


The next day, he went to his office as usual, but he found it impossible to concentrate this time. He was still swamped with work, but somehow he couldn’t focus on his task that morning. Every time he tried, the scene from last night kept coming back to him.

He didn’t know how to feel. He was a hundred percent sure by now that he had some sort of feelings for Aiba, and he was almost sure he had them too. Still, he was seeing Matsumoto, and even if they had only been dating for a couple of weeks, he still didn’t want to treat him unfairly.

Then again, Aiba couldn’t love him, could he? And even if he could, Sho wasn’t sure how things could even work. Maybe the best thing to do was to let Aiba go, and try his best with Matsumoto.

He got home that night still thinking things over. He had declined Matsumoto’s call when it came, and had sent him a text instead, telling him he was in a meeting and couldn’t answer, when he was really in his office. He would talk to him the next day when he got back from his trip.

He shuffled his feet to the living room, hoping to find the god there, but he noticed soon enough that the room was empty.

“Aiba-kun?” he called tentatively.

Sho cleared his voice.

“I know you can hear me. Please come out?”

Silence.

“It’s okay,” he said to the empty room. “I don’t need you to talk, just to listen.” He stared at his hands and played with his fingers. Despite his false confidence, he wasn’t sure Aiba was really listening. Maybe he was just yelling at an empty room like an idiot. “I’m sorry about yesterday, alright? I realize that keeping you here is selfish of me, so if you want I—I will just let you go, okay? I’ll say I’m happy, and you can go and do your job elsewhere, and I’ll do my best to really make things with Matsumoto work without your help. I promise.”

“Stupid.”

Sho turned around to face the god. “I know I’m just being selfish. I—I’m keeping you here even if I’m very happy with Masumoto,” he said.

“I don’t want you to lie to me, Sho-chan,” Aiba said, his tone warm. “But I think you really do make a good couple. If I’m here, you won’t be able to…” he gulped and stopped.

“I like having you here,” Sho said.

“And I like being here,” Aiba replied with a sigh. “But that’s precisely the problem. You… you need to get on with your life, and I need to get on with my job.”

Sho looked at him guiltily. “I guess I really am stupid, am I?” he chuckled nervously.

Aiba’s gaze softened. “It’s alright. That’s one of the things that I love about you.”

Aiba’s eyes widened and he looked away biting his lip. Sho stared at him, his hand clutching his arm, unsure of what to do.

“Do you--” he started. “Do you want to watch a movie together?”

Aiba seemed relieved at the question. “A romantic movie?” he asked, hopeful.

Sho chuckled. “Oh, right, love god. Romantic movies must be your thing.”

Aiba grinned and clapped his hands gleefully. “Then I’m lucky I’ve been assigned to the hopeless romantic that you are.”

Sho lightly slapped him on the head and headed to his bedroom, with Aiba trailing behind him. He had a shelf full of DVDs right above the television in the living room, but he had some in his room as well. That spot was reserved for his personal favorites.

“How about this one?” Aiba said, pointing at it.

Sho tilted his head to read the title. It was a foreign movie from the early ‘00s. “‘The Wedding Planner’?” He unconsciously rubbed his ear. “Yeah, I really think you’ll like it.”

They didn’t even make it past the first ten minutes before Aiba started to attack him with questions about the protagonists and the story. (“Ne, Sho-chan, do they get together in the end?” “Just watch it, it literally just started.” “But does it have a happy ending?” “Aiba-kun…”) Sho thought he would feel irritated after a while, but he was surprised to realize he only felt more and more entertained. Aiba jumped on the bed, moved around a lot, and talked to the television. By the time they got to the ending, he was completely mesmerized by the movie and would shush Sho even though he wasn’t speaking.

“So,” said an amused Sho when the credits rolled. “Did you like it?”

Aiba nodded enthusiastically and smiled. “I loved it!”

Sho put the DVD on the shelf and returned to the bed. Aiba was spread on it with a pleased expression. From the way he was lying, Sho could see the god’s shirt under the leather jacket. He narrowed his eyes, trying to read the yellow writing on it.

When Aiba noticed his gaze, he stood up and took off his jacket, revealing his pink shirt. Sho tilted his head. ‘Amore’ was written in Latin alphabet on one of the sides.

Aiba pointed at his shirt. “Do you like it?”

Sho squinted as he tried to remember something. “ _Amore_ ,” he said. “Love? Is it Spanish?”

“Italian,” Aiba corrected him. “It’s my rank.”

Sho’s brow furrowed. “What do you mean by that?”

“Well,” Aiba threw himself on the bed next to him. “We – all the love gods, I mean – we all get a ranking depending on how many couples we get together. I’m rank Amore,” he said, proudly. “It means I’m very good at my job,” he added for Sho’s benefit, blinking at him.

Sho laughed. “Were you trying to wink?”

Aiba pouted. “That’s mean, Sho-chan. Laughing at me while I’m nothing but nice to you.”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” He patted him on the back, still laughing quietly. “So, there are other ranks?” he asked.

Aiba’s eyes sparkled with excitement. “Yes! The lowest rank is Philia, those are the gods of friendship. We all start out the same, you know? I’ve created a lot of great friendships over the years.”

“Wait… Did you ever do me?”

Aiba chuckled. “Sorry, I’ve been in the love business for a while.”

“How old are you exactly?” Sho asked, curious.

“Older than you for sure.”

“No way! You look my age!” Sho exclaimed.

“It took me more than 35 years to get to my rank,” Aiba mused. “And I’ve been Amore for more than that too, so even my rank is older than you.”

“So you’re just some old man sneaking into people’s houses to hug them under the covers?” Sho asked, faking disgust. “Gross.”

“I only do it with the cute ones, though,” Aiba said, adding another failed wink to his words, making Sho snort.

They fell on the bed, laughing together. Sho felt a bubble of happiness in his chest. Aiba was fun to be around, and he made him feel like himself. He had never felt happier about having someone in bed with him to just laugh and talk with in his whole life.

“I have to work hard,” Aiba said after a while. “To reach the highest rank, that is.”

Sho turned around to look at him. The god was looking at the ceiling, his hands laced over his chest. He turned around too, and they looked at each other.

“What’s the highest rank?” Sho felt his voice say.

A single word left Aiba’s lips. “ _Ai_.”

Sho nodded. The Japanese word for selfless love. “And how do you reach that?”

Aiba turned on his side to look at him better, and Sho mirrored him. They were so close now, that he could feel the air move when Aiba spoke. “You have to pair up a couple that was meant to be together. True love,” he said with admiration in his gaze. “100% compatibility. They’re incredibly rare, though. There’s only a handful of gods with the Ai rank.”

“Do you--” Sho hesitated. “Do you think I have a chance at true love?”

Aiba smiled sympathetically. “I hope you do. I was a little harsh yesterday. I really do believe love is not about numbers. Maybe some people are just meant to be together, despite not being 100% compatible,” he said encouragingly.

“Can you check anyone’s compatibility with me?” Sho asked.

“Of course,” Aiba replied. “I just have to write their name in the relationship page, and the numbers will appear.”

“Just out of curiosity…” Sho lowered his gaze. His heart was beating like crazy from the nervousness. “Have you ever tried putting yourself in there?”

Aiba eyed him curiously. “I haven’t,” he said, looking away. “It would be useless, wouldn’t it? I can’t fall in love,” he said bitterly.

Sho’s fingers twitched. He grabbed the sheets and tugged on them to stop himself from reaching to Aiba. “But you can try,” he said.

Aiba glanced back at him. Sho’s expression betrayed his expectations, and he knew that. He tried to make himself look more neutral, but he couldn’t stop thinking that maybe the numbers would add up, maybe Aiba was his true love somehow.

The god sighed and pulled his notebook out. He made a pen appear out of the air and flipped the pages till he found Sho’s relationships page. He shot a nervous glance at him and bit his lip.

“I don’t want you to have any expectations about this,” he whispered.

Sho didn’t reply. His fingers closed on the sheets more tightly. “Go ahead,” he said.

Aiba waited a second before putting the pen on the page. With a flourish, he wrote his name on the book. The ink sparkled gold and the letters transformed, seemingly typing themselves on the page. Immediately, Aiba’s picture appeared, and it looked like an invisible hand was writing his profile.

_Aiba Masaki. Age unknown. No relationship status. Love god (rank Amore.)_

_Chances at love: 0% - no bond possible  
Chances at friendship: 0% - no bond possible_

Sho felt the disappointment wash over him. He let go of the sheets and looked away, unable to face Aiba.

“I’m sorry, Sho-chan,” he heard him say. His tone seemed resigned.

Sho closed his eyes for a second. “Let’s sleep.”

Aiba sat up. “I will see you tomorrow, then.”

“Wait.”

It was barely more than a whisper, but Aiba seemed to hear him. Sho looked up at the god.

“Please, stay a little longer.”

Aiba’s eyes clouded with hesitation for a second. Then, without a word, he nodded and laid back on the bed.

Sho turned off the bed-side lamp and got under the covers. On his right, Aiba did the same.

For a while, they stood there, silent, their light breathing filling the room. Sho was lying on his side, looking at Aiba, who was lying on his back. Suddenly, the god turned around and found his eyes on his. Like they could read each other’s mind, Sho got closer to Aiba while he turned to his side and let himself be lightly hugged by the man from behind.

Sho fleetingly wondered if Aiba could feel his heartbeats resonating through his body. He felt his breathing accelerate a little as he thought about his hand resting on the god’s waist. His head was hurting, emotions swirling inside of him, making him lightheaded and unsure about everything. He wanted to stop thinking for once. To just feel.

He pressed himself closer to Aiba’s back. He felt the other stiffen a little, but Aiba didn’t push him away, not even when Sho brushed his nose on his nape. Gently, Sho pressed his lips there, leaving a small kiss. He felt the skin on Aiba’s nape shiver with goosebumps, and he trembled as well. Sho’s arms tightened around Aiba’s waist, pulling him closer. He couldn’t stop the soft groan that escaped his lips when Aiba’s hips accidentally brushed against his pants.

“Sho-chan,” Aiba said, almost breathlessly.

Sho didn’t reply. He ducked his head and pressed his forehead on the god’s back.

Aiba’s hands came to hold his, gently disentangling himself from his embrace. He made to get up, and Sho clang onto the hem of his shirt hesitantly, knowing that it wouldn’t be enough to keep Aiba from going away, but hoping against hope that it would make him stay.

He felt the god’s hand on his, making him loosen his grip on his shirt. But to his surprise, Aiba didn’t disappear, didn’t let his hand go. He laid back on the bed, keeping his hand in his, looking intently as their fingers bent to fill the space between their knuckles.

Sho’s eyes never left Aiba. The pale light of the moon illuminated his delicate features, embracing him in a soft light that made him look beautiful and pure. With a flicker of fear in his gaze, Aiba looked up.

“Are you happy, Sho-chan?”

Sho didn’t answer. He used the hand that wasn’t holding Aiba’s to brush a strand of hair away from the god’s face. He tugged at Aiba’s hand, and inched closer, till he could feel the heat radiating from the other’s body. The tips of their noses brushed, not quite touching, and Sho saw Aiba’s eyelashes flutter, making his heart jump. Slowly, he closed the gap between their mouths, pressing his lips against Aiba’s plump ones.

It was a chaste kiss, a declaration of love. Not hasty, not impatient. He felt his lips tingle with a strange buzz, his heart whisper a sweet melody. He heard the fireworks in his head, the rush in his body. He had never felt so happy, so safe, so loved. Everything he’d ever hoped for, every dream, every wish, _everything_ was in that kiss. It tasted like joy, like romance, like life. It wasn’t quite like a drug yet, but he felt like he could become addicted to it. Like now that he had tasted heaven, he couldn’t turn back.

0% had said the notebook. But how could a kiss feel like that, then? How could one single moment of brushing lips tell him that the numbers were wrong, and that his instinct was right? That maybe that 0% was supposed to be something else? That maybe it was his chance, _their_ chance, at true love?

Aiba pulled away, still holding his hand. They looked at each other longingly for a second before the god lowered his gaze and snuggled himself against Sho’s chest, pressing a ear to his heart, grazing the spot with his fingers, maybe hoping he could catch a beat with his bare hands.

  


↢ ♥ ↣

  


He was in love.

Sho jerked awake. His eyes were wide open, his hands were clutching at his covers, and his breath was completely unsteady.

He should have known, Sho scolded himself. He damn well should have known. He was complicated, and impossibly romantic, and stupid when it came to love. Of course, he thought irritated, he would fall in love with… well, _love_.

He turned around, expecting to see the god by his side, but he noticed with a little disappointment that he wasn’t there. He pressed the palm of his hands over his eyes, trying to get the memory of the previous night out of his head. His lips tingled as he remembered the way Aiba’s fit on his when he kissed him. He couldn’t help but feel a smile appear on his face, and an elated giggle escaped his throat while his heart started pumping faster.

_Shit._

He was in love with Aiba, and he had no doubts about it now.

He got out of bed and went to the kitchen, his head still dizzy from the sudden realization. He thought he would feel terrible about it – Aiba’s notebook had told him they had no chance at love after all – but he felt wonderful instead. He and Aiba had kissed, and it had been amazing. And then he had hugged Aiba and had kept him in his arms, and it felt like that was the place where they both belonged: one in the arms of the other.

He poured himself some leftover coffee and then thought better of it. He couldn’t drink, or eat with all the butterflies in his stomach fluttering about. He felt like a stupid teenager with a crush, but he couldn’t help feeling giddy and excited.

His phone rang with the sound of an incoming text. He looked around for it and found it on the coffee table. The name on the screen made his smile disappear a little. It was from Matsumoto, letting him know that he would be back that night.

Sho felt a little guilt sting his heart. He needed to break things off with Matsumoto, and he felt bad about it. He really did believe they could have been great together, but now that he had finally realized that he loved someone else, he needed to let him go.

He replied to the text asking him if he needed to be picked up at the airport. He would take him home and let him rest. He would tell Matsumoto everything the next day.

  


↢ ♥ ↣

  


He picked up Matsumoto that night after work.

He carefully avoided being spotted by the others as they all came out from the building. He didn’t want them to get any ideas, especially since he was going to break things off with Matsumoto the day after.

When the man spotted him, he nodded discreetly, and left his group to reach the car. Sho smiled gently at him when he opened the door and sat beside him.

“Hi,” he said.

“Hi. How was the flight?” Sho asked.

Matsumoto leaned on the seat and closed his eyes. “It was good, but I’m so tired.”

Sho chuckled a little and patted his head. “It’s okay, you’re back home now.”

Matsumoto blushed and stole a glance at him. “Thank you for picking me up. You didn’t have to, you know?”

“It’s nothing,” Sho waved him away. He started the car. “So, was the convention interesting?”

The man yawned. “I exchanged a lot of business cards. And there were loads of free buffets, so there’s that. But interesting…” he grimaced “if you can call a convention on boats _interesting_.”

Sho made a small noise in sympathy, and let Matsumoto tell him about the last three days for the whole trip back.

“So,” Matsumoto said when Sho had stopped in the driveway. “Here we are.”

Sho fumbled nervously with his seatbelt. “Can we see each other tomorrow? Maybe for a late breakfast, early lunch thing?”

“Sure.”

“Thanks,” he said with a weak smile.

Matsumoto opened the door. “Sho-san,” he said before getting out. “You know you can tell me anything, right?”

Sho flinched. Slowly, without looking away, he nodded.

“Good,” the other man said with a wistful smile. He pushed the door open and got his suitcase from the backseat. “I’ll see you tomorrow, then,” he said with a perfect wink.

  


↢ ♥ ↣

  


When Sho opened the door to his apartment, the first thing he noticed was that the lights were on.

He felt a rush of adrenaline and suddenly felt nervous. Just as he had gathered the courage to step in and call out to him, he heard Aiba’s voice come out from the living room.

“It’s going well,” he was saying. “I think it’s going well. I found a great match for him.”

Sho tiptoed his way to the room. Who was Aiba talking to?

“I know you disapprove of my methods, but it’s gonna work, you’ll see! They’re good for each other, Koi-san.”

Sho stood in the hallway, peeking from the half-opened door. He saw Aiba’s figure sitting on the sofa, his notebook spread in his lap while he was looking at the couch, talking to someone that Sho couldn’t see from his position.

And yet, try as he might, he not only couldn’t spot anyone, he also couldn’t hear the question that was obviously posed, to which Aiba replied with a:

“He... he hasn’t said he’s happy yet.”

Sho’s ears perked up. ‘He’ was him, Sho, wasn’t it? He had no doubts about that. Aiba had asked him time and time again if he was happy with Matsumoto, but Sho had never known how to answer that. Because Aiba had told him that he was tied to Sho for as long as he didn’t get his wish fulfilled, and if Sho was hesitating to let go of Aiba before, after the previous night he knew that he never wanted him to go away.

“What are you talking about? I’m always happy!” Aiba’s voice chirped with too much enthusiasm.

Sho’s heart broke a little when he heard the hint of sadness in his tone. Aiba wasn’t happy, was he? Did he not want to stay with Sho anymore? Did he want to go back to his friends, pair other couples? Or maybe… a small part of Sho couldn’t help but wonder _‘is he just unhappy that he can’t be with me like Matsumoto is?’_

He looked at Aiba on the sofa. The god had closed his notebook and was now staring at the floor, biting his lip. Sho saw the grief in his eyes, and had to fight with himself to not rush to his side, take his face into his hands, and whisper that it was going to be okay, that Aiba had him, that he would never let go, that they would be happy together.

“He kissed me.”

Aiba’s voice sounded far away when he said that. His eyes seemed glassy now, and Sho grabbed the hem of his shirt so tightly that he was sure his hand would break.

“Something felt...” Sho held his breath, waiting for Aiba to complete the sentence “…wrong.”

_Wrong._

Sho’s heart stopped beating for a second, feeling the betrayal of that word washing over him.

_Wrong._

He couldn’t believe his ears.

_Wrong._

Sho brushed his fingers to his lips. There, just hours ago, Aiba’s lips were making his whole body react in ways he had never felt before. The way Aiba had pressed his mouth to his had taken his breath away, and had made his heart drum with a new rhythm he had never known till now. He had thought Aiba had felt it too. How couldn’t he? How could it feel so wrong to him, when to Sho it felt so--

_Right._

“I will. Thank you.”

Sho remained pinned to the wall outside the living room. He felt himself shaking with misery, anger, and fear. Was he just being a complete idiot as usual? Was he just imagining things? The casual brushes, the longing looks, the wistful sighs. Was it only in Sho’s mind?

He slid a hand into his hair. Aiba had hated their kiss. Aiba had said it felt wrong. He looked heartbroken when he talked about it. And Sho, stupid Sho, thought he had found it at last.

The stuff of fairytales.

The one in a lifetime.

_True love._

He felt so stupid at the thought now. Just because Aiba had made him feel good, and wonderful, and whole, it didn’t mean they were destined to be together. He fought every single fiber of his being that was telling him otherwise. Numbers, he thought, were right. Numbers had told him he and Nino could never be lovers, that they were only at 5% of compatibility. Numbers had told him Aiba and him could never be together. That Aiba and him had 0% chance. He was stupid to think he could go against hard logic.

 _‘But even if you and Matsumoto have 86% of compatibility, you still don’t love him,’_ said a voice in his head. _‘Does that mean he’s not your soulmate either?’_

He shook his head. He was being stupid. He and Matsumoto were perfect together, weren’t they? Once Aiba was gone, Sho would have no one to distract him from loving him any more. Matsumoto felt good. He felt right. Matsumoto was the one for him.

With renewed strength, he peeled himself from the wall and ran to the door. He didn’t stop, not even when he heard Aiba’s voice gasp in surprise, calling his name.


	3. Chapter 3

It didn’t take him long to be outside of Matsumoto’s apartment.

He started knocking on his door forcefully, not caring about the hour. The man opened a few seconds later, still wearing the clothes from earlier. Sho took in the figure standing in front of him. Tall, thin, fashionable, with big, innocent eyes. So much like Aiba in some way, but so, so different.

“Sho-san?” Matsumoto gasped. “What are you doing here? Is everything okay?”

Sho let the man pull him inside. Once he was in, he snapped from his trance and took control of the hold, pushing Matsumoto against the door that had just closed behind them.

Sho looked in the man’s eyes. Surprise mixed with lust was swirling inside his gaze. He let his hot breath wander closer to Matsumoto’s lips, making him shiver with anticipation. Sho pinned him onto the door more firmly now, keeping him in place so he couldn’t move. Because he knew that if Matsumoto moved, if he took control, or if he hesitated, Sho would lose the courage to do what he came here to do.

One of his hands creeped up the man’s abdomen under his shirt, going up, up, up. Sho could feel the hot skin against the palm of his hand, the little shivers that were shaking the body in front of him, the heartbeats accelerating. _This,_ Sho tried hard to convince himself, _this feels right._ Quickening heartbeats in the palm of his hands felt right. And never mind that they weren’t his. If Aiba’s heart couldn’t beat for him, if Aiba’s heart was still and unresponsive to his touches, why did Sho have to have a functioning heart at all? Why couldn’t Sho borrow his beats from Matsumoto—from _Jun_ ’s heart, so ready, so willing, so open?

Jun’s heart was as earnest as his body, as honest as his words, as pure as his love. There for the taking. Waiting for someone to take care of it. And why shouldn’t that someone be Sho? Sho could take care of his heart, now that he didn’t need to take care of his own anymore.

He didn’t think about it. He leaned in to catch Jun’s lips in repressed rage and desperation, and Jun met his kiss with love and adoration. And it was wrong, but Sho didn’t care.

He knew no one else but Aiba would ever feel right ever again.

  


↢ ♥ ↣

  


Sho woke up the next morning buried in a heap of sheets. He disentangled himself quickly and sat up on the bed with a sigh.

“How are you feeling?” Jun’s voice asked.

Sho looked up and saw him coming in the bedroom with a tray in his hands.

He made a weak sound in reply and patted the sheets, smoothing the wrinkles, just to have something to do with his hands.

Jun sat down on the bed next to him and placed the tray on his lap. There was orange juice, omurice and grilled eels on it. Sho couldn’t help but feel a tinge of happiness when he saw all that.

Jun made a gesture with his hand to indicate that he could eat, and Sho gave him a thankful nod. He took a bite out of his omurice and felt better already.

“So good,” he said between mouthfuls.

Jun smiled at him. “I’m glad you like it, Sho-san. Making food for you is great. You’re always eating with such gusto.”

They stood in silence while Sho ate his breakfast, making noises of appreciation every once in a while. When he was finished, Jun took the tray and brought it to the kitchen, where Sho quickly followed.

“So,” Jun started when he had placed the dishes in the sink. “Last night was… intense.”

Sho let himself fall into the nearest chair and nodded guiltily.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Jun asked, carefully measuring his words.

Sho sighed. “I like you, Jun-kun, really.”

“And I like you,” Jun replied.

“But…” Sho’s words died in his throat.

He couldn’t look at Jun. Not when he had come in the night before and had kissed him like that one second and had ended up crying all over his chest the other. He felt like a jerk. Jun was willing to give him his heart, and Sho had gone to him with his own broken one, asking him to put back the pieces together when it wasn’t his fault that it was shattered in the first place. And Jun had taken Sho’s pain, and his hand, and had let him sleep on his bed, hugging him the whole night, never forcing him to talk. Just letting him cry. Being there for him, asking for nothing in return.

“But this isn’t working,” Jun finished his sentence for him.

Sho nodded again. He cared about Jun, he did. But Jun wasn’t Aiba. He knew he couldn’t have Aiba, but was it fair to keep Jun when he wasn’t his first choice?

“Just do me a favor,” Jun said, interrupting his thoughts.

Sho looked up. “Anything,” he said, and he meant it. He would do anything to repay Jun for his kindness bit by bit. He would take care of his heart one way or another.

“Please, be happy.”

Sho felt at a loss for words. He didn’t need to ask Jun to know what he meant by that. Those unspoken words were written in the space between them, hovering over them since that first day they laid eyes on each other, a constant reminder of where Sho’s heart truly lied.

_With him._

Sho looked at Jun with all the honesty and seriousness he could gather in one glance. “I will,” he vowed.

Jun seemed relieved. There was no resentment in his eyes. Maybe he had accepted it even before Sho did. Maybe he had known even before Sho realized it himself.

“You too, Jun-kun,” he said, and the other man flashed him a smile.

 _Maybe we could still be friends_ , Sho thought, remembering Aiba’s words. _‘Numbers are just that: numbers. You can’t define any form of love.’_

His heart gave him a contented hum, agreeing wholeheartedly with his brain for once.

  


↢ ♥ ↣

  


Sho opened the door to his apartment with the memories from the night before replaying in his head.

Aiba talking to someone about him. Aiba saying their kiss felt wrong. Aiba not loving him. Sho still loving Aiba despite everything. Sho still feeling like they belonged together. Sho still feeling like it didn’t matter if Aiba didn’t have a heart, because Sho had enough for both, Sho would share his heart and keep just half if it meant that Aiba could get one as well.

“I’m home,” he whispered in the entrance.

Aiba was in the living room where he had left him. He was sitting on the floor now, his notebook in his shaking hands, looking at Jun’s profile on Sho’s relationships page. Sho could see a flash of numbers writing themselves on the paper.

_Chances at love: 2%  
Chances at friendship: 91% _

Sho smiled a little to himself. If anyone could beat all the odds, that would be him. That’s what Aiba had told him once. And so Sho did. And he would again.

_With him._

His steps alerted Aiba of his presence. The god stood up and looked at him.

“What did you do?” Aiba’s voice sounded hurt.

Sho shook his head. “I’m sorry. We weren’t meant to be together.”

Aiba didn’t seem to understand. “But the poem…” he whispered. “You can’t fake a love like that.”

Sho looked at him intensely. “I never faked anything.”

He saw the god’s eyes sparkle with a hint of realization. Sho held out his hand to lace their fingers together.

When their fingers brushed against each others, Aiba gasped visibly and pulled away as if he had been burnt. In the time of a split second, his shocked expression disappeared to make way to a nervous smile.

“It’s okay!” Aiba said in an over-excited voice. “I will help you fix it! I will get you back to Matsumoto-san in no time!”

“Aiba,” Sho said, calmly.

The god ignored him and started flipping the pages of his notebook. “It’s just a misunderstanding, Sho-chan, we can fix it.”

“Aiba.” His fingers twitched, wanting to hold Aiba’s at last.

“Matsumoto-san loves lilies, right? We’ll send him a bouquet with a note and then—”

“Stop it!” Sho yelled.

Aiba closed his eyes and his lower lip trembled. “Don’t, Sho-chan. Just… don’t.”

Sho grabbed Aiba’s wrists. Neither seemed to care when they heard the notebook falling on the floor with a thump.

“Why?” Sho’s voice almost cracked. “I thought you were supposed to help me look for love?”

All they could hear for a while were ragged breaths. Sho looked into Aiba’s eyes, scanning his face for an answer. Aiba stared right back at him, but didn’t say anything. The silence stretched out their distance, cutting Sho’s heart with poisonous scratches. Every unspoken word weighed on his soul, killing him bit by bit. His grip on Aiba’s wrists tightened, afraid to let go, holding on to a flicker thread of hope that was starting to deteriorate. He was desperate for a reaction, any reaction. Didn’t Aiba love him too? Did their kiss really not mean anything to him?

But then again, _he had felt it_.

When their lips had touched, he had felt completely happy, completely safe. Didn’t Aiba feel the same too? Didn’t Aiba see that they were destined to be together? Didn’t Aiba believe that he, Sho, was his true love?

 _‘No,’_ said the voice in his head.

Aiba had thought that their kiss felt wrong.

But he wasn’t saying that to him now. Not with words, not with gestures. And Sho couldn’t take the silence any more. The more time passed, the more he felt his breath hitch with desperation.

He looked up at Aiba’s eyes again, pleading him with his own. When even that didn’t rouse an answer from him, Sho felt his anger boil in his chest. With a grunt of desperation, he pulled on Aiba’s wrists to smash their mouths together.

Their lips clashed together, and both of them pulled away immediately with a painful groan. But Sho didn’t let that discourage him. He pressed his lips on Aiba’s again, this time gently, with care, but with all the possessiveness he was feeling.

_And there it was again._

The fireworks, the violins, the angels, the dizziness, the sparks. His lips fit on Aiba’s completely. Like two pieces of a puzzle. Like they were made in pairs. Like they were meant to belong together. Soul calling to soul, finally reunited.

He couldn’t believe that Aiba didn’t feel the same. That he didn’t felt the electricity running through his body, the little butterflies in his stomach, the way time seemed to stop in that moment, the way Sho’s heart was screaming with every beat that yes, yes, yes, it wanted--

_‘This.’_

_‘You.’_

_‘Us.’_

_‘Here.’_

_‘Now.’_

_‘Forever.’_

Sho reluctantly let go of Aiba’s wrists to allow his fingers to explore his face. He gently caressed his cheek, while using the other hand to push on Aiba’s nape. He thought his heart would explode when he felt Aiba respond to the kiss, the god’s hands slipping around his waist to bring himself closer.

Aiba’s tongue licked at his lips, and Sho let it in with no hesitation, welcoming it, wanting it, yearning for it. He tasted the god right away, feeling the hotness of their kiss intensify. Aiba tasted like his favorite things: yakiniku, whiskey, and clams. If Sho had to define it, he would have said that Aiba tasted just right. That Aiba tasted _perfect_.

If there was any hesitation in Aiba’s mind when they started kissing, there surely wasn’t any now. The god hungrily attacked Sho’s mouth till they were both making satisfied noises into their kiss. Sho’s hands were now sliding down Aiba’s back, while Aiba’s where already moving under his shirt on his chest. Sho almost bit the other’s tongue when he felt one of his nipples harden against the god’s hand.

Sho let his lips move away from Aiba’s, brushing his lips on Aiba’s jaw instead, moving slowly on his neck, his breathing catching, his blood pumping loudly in his ear, his heart rushing. He reached under Aiba’s shirt, almost expecting twin heartbeats racing in his chest, but he noticed with a tinge of disappointment that that wasn’t the case.

But he didn’t let that stop him. On the contrary, he just felt more compelled to tighten his embrace, to love Aiba even more desperately.

He felt the god tug at his shirt, and he let him take it off. He felt Aiba’s fingers trace his stomach, and he felt a pull in his lower abdomen. His kisses became hungrier as Aiba’s touches became bolder.

They found themselves on the bed, Sho hovering over Aiba, pulling his jacket and his shirt out of the way so he could finally kiss him all over his body. The clothes made a dull noise when they fell on the floor. At the same time Aiba let out a soft moan as Sho kissed and licked every inch of his neck. He trailed down with his tongue and stopped at his shoulder, where a large red spot was coloring his left side. Sho looked at the mark mesmerized for a few seconds before Aiba required his attention to shift much much lower, where he was fumbling with his belt.

He never knew how he had survived until now, without the feeling of Aiba in his embrace, Aiba on his lips, Aiba around himself, Aiba in his heart. Their hands looked for one another, holding tight, while their lips met halfway, every moan dying on their tongues. Sho panted hard as he felt their movements quicken, a mouth sucking on his neck, hands pulling him closer, whispers telling him _‘there, harder, yes, yes, yes.’_

He swallowed Aiba’s moans in his kisses while his hand moved between them, touching him so they could reach the peak together. Aiba screamed his name first, digging his nails in Sho’s back. Sho’s loud ‘Masaki’ came a second later, making him collapse in Aiba’s embrace, panting in the curve of his neck, refusing to abandon his body yet.

He wasn’t sure how long it passed before Aiba pushed him gently so they could lie side by side.

“Sho,” Aiba said, looking him in the eyes intensely. “I’m sorry, Sho,” he whispered.

He pressed their foreheads together, his hands shaking over Sho’s chest.

“Masaki? What’s wrong?” Sho caressed Aiba’s naked side. “I’m here. I will never let you go now that I’ve got you.”

Aiba smiled sadly. “I’m sorry,” he repeated. “I—I can feel it.”

Sho looked at him, confused. “What can you feel, Masaki?”

“It’s wrong. Something is wrong.” He closed his eyes in a pained expression, and Sho started to panic.

Aiba placed a hand over Sho’s heart and felt his erratic beats. “Just remember,” he said. “This is important. Never give up on love.”

Sho opened his mouth to talk, but Aiba stopped him with a kiss. Sho responded to the eagerness with his own, letting Aiba pull him closer, grabbing Aiba’s waist and pushing their bodies together.

They pulled apart after a while. Aiba cupped his face and breathed in the air from Sho’s breath before letting out a whisper.

“I love you.”

But Sho could never say it back, because as soon as he heard those words, Aiba vanished.

  


↢ ♥ ↣

  


Sho didn’t think he would get through the first day, let alone the first month.

Fortunately, a big project had just been sent his way, and he was in charge of it. He had so much on his plate that he couldn’t allow himself to think about anything else. He took his files home so he didn’t have any free moments to think about Aiba, or to think about how happy he had felt when they finally were together. He worked non-stop, ate when he remembered it, and slept the bare minimum.

Things with Jun weren’t as bad as he thought they would be. He had hoped he would be mature enough to still maintain a good work relationship with him, but Jun went beyond that. He still cared for him, even though he admitted that his affection had turned more into friendly admiration than anything, and still brought him coffee or waited for him at lunch break so they could eat together. Jun never asked him about his love life, but had told him again and again that he was there for him if he needed someone to talk to, or a shoulder to cry on. Sho never regretted how things turned out between them. He loved having him as a friend.

Things with Nino were looking up as well. When he had called one night to check up on him and ask him how things with the ‘cupid guy’ were going, he probably didn’t expect Sho to start sobbing in the receiver. He had showed up at his house with cheesecake from Sho’s favorite bakery (“The price they sell these for, you’d think they’re made of gold!”) and they had snickered and bickered like the old times when they were still the best of friends. They had since reinstated their game night, and Sho went back to having his ass kicked every Saturday.

He still dreamt of holding Aiba in his hands, but every dream turned into a nightmare, with Aiba being dragged away by invisible hands, or sometimes by another version of Aiba himself. Sometimes Sho ran after him, and a voice laughed evilly, mocking him and making him fall with every step. Sometimes he found Aiba again, but when he kissed him, he vanished in his embrace. Sho always woke up screaming and drenched in sweat. Not even sleeping pills helped sometimes.

“Have you ever tried repeating what you did the first time?” Nino suggested one night.

Sho’s cart screeched as he pulled the levers on his joystick to avoid a bomb Nino had thrown at him. On the screen Crash Bandicoot’s archenemy, Dr. Cortex, let out an evil laugh when he dodged and bumped Nino’s cart with his.

“I haven’t,” he said. “But I already told you, it was my birthday then. And I think he would have come if he was still…” His words died in his throat.

Nino clicked on his joystick, making his character, Coco, accelerate and let out a confident laugh. He made her jump over the bridge and aimed for the shortcut. A little behind him, Sho was having trouble with the AI that kept pushing him off track.

“You should try anyway,” his friend said. “Isn’t that how it works in those ridiculous romantic movies you like so much? The princess makes a wish and her fairy godmother appears.”

“I’m not a princess,” Sho whined. “And he’s not a fairy godmother.” He groaned as Nino crossed the finish line. “And those movies are stupid,” he added.

Nino turned around. “Who are you and what have you done to Sakurai Sho?”

Sho tried to slap him, but Nino dodged it. He pushed his glasses up his nose and continued. “No, really, you’re the most stupidly romantic person I know. You have a box in your closet filled with cheesy poems.”

Sho blushed. “You know about that?”

Nino rolled his eyes. “Of course I do, but that’s not the point,” he said. “The point is, you _love_ those ridiculous movies. You would sell your soul to have Mr. Darcy knock at your door tomorrow.”

“Nino!” Sho flushed, recognizing something. “Did you read my poems!?”

“I did,” Nino admitted, unashamed. “And I also found your last one when I used your tablet last week.”

Sho looked away. He couldn’t stand Nino’s look right now. He had read that poem so many times, thinking about Aiba’s look when he had told him it was beautiful. And then later, when Aiba had understood that those feelings were meant to reach him. He felt his heart being ripped out of him again.

“I called the bakery,” Nino said. “And asked them to make you another cake by next week.” Sho looked at him questioningly. “You never know,” he shrugged.

  


↢ ♥ ↣

  


Sho came back that Wednesday with a whole birthday cake and a bottle of sake. He repeated everything he had done the first time, down to the coffee, the drinking and the drunken wishes. When he fell asleep he dreamed of Aiba, and for once the dream didn’t end up in a nightmare.

When he woke up the next morning, he didn’t dare to open his eyes. His breathing accelerated, and he let his hand move across the bed, hoping to find somebody there. His heart sank when he touched the empty sheets.

“Good morning,” a voice said suddenly.

Sho’s eyes shot open to see a sleepy looking guy in front of him. He was wearing a grey suit, and on the right side of his jacket, in red, was written one of the Japanese words for love – _Koi_.

“Who are you?” Sho asked, even though he already imagined the answer.

The man bowed. “I’m Ohno Satoshi. I’m here to help you find love.”

Sho clenched his fists. “Where’s Aiba?”

Ohno didn’t look at him. “Aiba-san couldn’t do this job any more, Sakurai-san.”

Sho shook his head. “He did his job perfectly. I found love again. Where is he? Please, let me see him,” he pleaded.

Ohno’s eyes were filled with sympathy when he found his gaze. “I’m sorry, Sakurai-san. Aiba-san wasn’t supposed to fall in love with you. He’s broken the most important rule, therefore he’s been recycled.” His eyes turned expressionless again.

Sho’s heart missed a beat. “R—recycled?” He stood up and run to Ohno, putting his hands on his shoulders. “What do you mean recycled?”

Ohno seemed unfazed. “He’s been stripped of all his powers and terminated. All of his charges were assigned to me. That includes you, Sakurai-san,” he added, bowing his head a little.

Sho stared at him speechlessly. He felt the tears well up in his eyes. Even after a month had passed without hearing from him, there was a little hope inside of him that Aiba was going to come back to him one day. Hearing those words deepened the wound inside his heart. Aiba wasn’t going to be there anymore. He wasn’t going to smile at him. Sho was really alone now.

Ohno smiled tentatively. He produced a blue notebook from his pockets. “I’ve always liked Aiba-san, but his methods were a little… unorthodox. He liked to pair people up based on a hunch instead of numbers. I see here that you and your last boyfriend, Matsumoto-san, had an initial compatibility of 86%. That was good, but of course now the numbers are different, so we couldn’t get you together even if we wanted to. Don’t worry, Sakurai-san, you’re in good hands. I will find you a better match.”

Sho shook his head and let himself fall back on the bed. “I don’t want that.”

Ohno blinked in confusion. “I was under the impression that you had wished to find love, Sakurai-san.” He turned the pages of his notebook. “Here, it says that on the day of your 35th birthday you wished for true love.”

Sho felt a tear come down his cheek. “Yeah, I did. And now he’s gone.”

Ohno sat beside him on the bed. Sho didn’t turn around. He just covered his face with his hands and tried not to think about Aiba. Aiba, who didn’t appear when he woke up. Aiba, who wasn’t giggling in his ear calling him ‘Sho-chan.’ Aiba, whose smell still lingered in his memory, and whose warm lips he could still feel on his if he concentrated hard enough.

“I really am sorry, Sakurai-san,” Ohno said after a while.

Sho heard him stand up.

“But do you think he would be happy to see you suffer? To see you give up on love?”

Aiba’s voice echoed in Sho’s head. _‘You said you wanted to give up on love… I can’t let you do that… Just remember… This is important… Never give up on love…’_

“You called out to me yesterday. You asked to find love again. Will you trust me, Sakurai-san?”

Sho looked up. He suddenly remembered something.

“Koi-san…” he said, pointing at the god’s jacket. “Are you Aiba’s friend?” he asked, thinking back to that time he had found Aiba talking to someone he couldn’t see.

Ohno nodded. “I’m sure he told you, but love gods don’t have a heart. Yet it killed him to see you with Matsumoto-san. He had hoped to do his job and get as far away from you as possible, but you wouldn’t send him away.” The god sighed. “I told him to be careful, but it was too late. Something had already happened to him.”

Sho bit his lip. “He said something felt wrong. When we kissed the first time, and then when we spent the night together.”

“Even without a heart, love gods can feel human emotions like happiness, sadness, fear, and so on. The only thing we can’t do is to form any type of bonds, like love or friendship, for example. But something happened when the two of you came together. The more time Aiba-san spent on earth, the more his feelings started to grow. When I had told him to be careful, it was already too late for him. By that time, Aiba-san had already started to feel something for you, and his body had started to change.” He pointed at his left shoulder. “Did he have a red spot on his shoulder, here?”

Sho nodded.

“That’s what happens when a love god feels love,” Ohno explained. “Without a heart, love marks itself on the skin quite literally. He told me it was just a spot as small as a freckle at first, but it grew. And when you kissed him that first time, something else started to happen: you awakened something that wasn’t supposed to be there.”

Sho’s breathing hitched. “His heart?” he asked.

Ohno nodded. “He felt a heartbeat. That’s why he thought something was wrong. Love gods need to be impartial and cold, we need to evaluate the numbers and find the best match. We can’t let feelings get in our way. So the moment his heart started beating, he was not fit to be a love god anymore,” he concluded.

Sho didn’t know what to say. If he hadn’t fallen in love with Aiba, if he had sent him away after he had found him a match, he would still be alive now. If he hadn’t been so selfish… maybe Aiba wouldn’t be his, but he would still be out there.

“Please, Sakurai-san,” the god interrupted his thoughts. “Trust me. Trust Aiba-san’s words. Don’t give up on love.”

Ohno extended a hand in his direction and looked at him expectantly. Sho felt numb all of a sudden. Didn’t the god just tell him that it was his fault that Aiba was gone? How could he forgive himself, knowing that? How could he take Ohno’s hand now, and accept his help? Did he even deserve love?

Trust Aiba’s words, the god had said. And Aiba had said it was important that he’d remember to never give up on love.

He stood up, took Ohno’s hand and closed his eyes.

In his mind, Aiba’s smile was all he could see.

  


↢ ♥ ↣

  


When he opened his eyes he was standing in front of a temple.

The wind blew in his hair and played with it. There were people chatting around him, but they didn’t seem to have noticed two strange men appearing from nowhere. Sho turned around to ask Ohno what was happening, and that’s when his heart leapt to his throat.

“Masaki!” he exclaimed.

Without wasting another second, they both fell into each other’s embrace. Sho stuffed his face into the crook of Aiba’s neck, inhaling his scent. He didn’t care about what the people walking by must think, seeing two guys hugging each other like that. He needed to hold on to Aiba as life depended on it. In fact, he believed it did.

“Masaki...” he sobbed in his neck.

Aiba giggled in his ear. “I’m back, Sho-chan,” he whispered.

“Welcome home,” Sho replied, tightening his grip.

He placed a small kiss on the exposed skin, not even wondering if people would be able to see that. But the moment his lips touched the side of Aiba’s neck, he pulled back in surprise.

“What?” he murmured in shock.

Aiba looked at him happily and took one of his hands. “Sho-chan,” he said, placing Sho’s hand on his chest. “I love you.”

Sho’s fingers tensed over Aiba’s body. There, where he had once felt emptiness, Aiba’s heart was pumping at full rhythm, keeping in time with Sho’s own heartbeats, almost as if the both of them were beating in unison.

“Your heart...”

Aiba shook his head. “ _Your_ heart, Sho-chan. It’s always been yours.”

“But I thought you didn’t-- you couldn’t--”

Aiba smiled. “I’m not a love god anymore. It’s… weird,” he said with a giggle.

Ohno cleared his throat. Having forgotten about him completely, Sho jumped at the noise. Both he and Aiba looked at him.

He pulled out his blue notebook from his suit and flipped the pages. He reached Sho’s relationship page and showed them the last entry.

_Aiba Masaki. 34. In a relationship. No occupation status available._

_Chances at love: 100%  
Chances at friendship: 98%_

Sho’s eyes widened. He felt Aiba pull on his hand and all he could do to stop himself from crying was to hug him again.

“I knew you would beat all the odds,” Aiba whispered in his ear.

Sho nodded, and tightened his arms around him.

“I think my work here is done,” Ohno said. When they turned, they saw he was looking at them with a genuine smile. “There’s only one thing left to do. Sakurai-san,” he said to Sho solemnly. “Are you happy?”

Sho looked at Aiba and squeezed his hand. “Hell, yeah.”

“ _We_ are,” Aiba said, nudging him lightly with his shoulder.

Ohno nodded. He reached out to place a hand on both Aiba’s and Sho’s chest, his palms extending over their hearts. He closed his eyes and mouthed something. Sho felt unbelievably warm for a second, and Ohno let go.

The god smiled again, this time more brightly. “True love,” he whispered at last, visibly touched. “I’m so happy for you, Aiba-chan.”

“Thank you, Oh-chan. Ah!” he said suddenly. “I almost forgot.” He bowed his head a little. “ _Ai_ -san,” he said with his failed wink.

Ohno laughed. The two of them looked at each other with a fond expression for another second, then the god bowed to the couple, and when he started to lift his head, he was already gone.

  


↢ ♥ ↣

  


As soon as they got home, he felt Aiba pushing him to the wall in the halls to kiss him. Sho gave in merrily, wrapping his hands around him and pulling him closer. He could feel the other man’s heart beating strongly against his chest, and that made him smile in the kiss.

Aiba pulled away after a minute, and they stood there looking at each other. Sho wanted to kiss him again, to feel his body anew, but at the same time, he felt contented just staying like that. He had Aiba now, and he would never let go.

“This feels…” Aiba stopped, looking for a way to describe it.

Sho bit his lip and gulped. He remembered the first time he heard Aiba talk about their kiss. How it felt. Was he feeling the same now?

“Wrong?” He asked, unsure.

Aiba smiled and shook his head. “It feels right, Sho.”

Sho took a deep breath. Aiba took his face in his hands and kissed him again, full of passion. Sho let his hand slip under his shirt, caressing him, but broke away from the kiss immediately to pull Aiba to his bedroom.

Without a word, he pecked his lips and pulled off his shirt, making him lay on the bed and getting on his knees so he could stand over him.

He took his time. Their first night together had been rushed and desperate, and all he could remember was a moment of intense joy that disappeared all too soon. He wanted to make Aiba feel loved this time. He wanted to love Aiba fully this time.

He traced his fingers on his lover’s bare chest. On the left side, a little scar that hadn’t been there before was now carved right where his heart was. He brushed over it, and placed a kiss there. That little imperfection was the thing that made him perfect to his eyes. Aiba looked at him a little uncertain. He lowered his gaze, clinging to Sho’s shirt with neediness. Sho kissed his forehead and caressed his cheek.

“You’re beautiful,” he said. His fingers draped over the large red spot on his shoulder. He pressed his lips there, covering the entire area. “So beautiful,” he repeated with every kiss.

Making love to Aiba when he was human was different, but, yet again, the same. He was still passionate, still needy, still loving. He still felt like his better half, and Sho felt completed being with him. But every kiss made his heart beat, every touch made it stop before rushing again. Sho could feel every beat in his kiss, in his hands, in his own heart. He felt like he was truly Aiba’s, and that Aiba was truly his.

They laid in silence for a while afterwards. Sho was quietly listening to the drumming in his lover’s chest, taking note of every little change when their hands brushed and his heart hummed contentedly, or when Aiba pressed his lips on his head and his heart slowed down and took longer beats.

“Sho-chan,” Aiba said.

Sho hummed with his eyes closed. Aiba’s heartbeats were making him feel peaceful and calm.

“Will you read it to me? Your poem?”

Sho looked up at him. Aiba looked back with a curious look on his face, but this time Sho knew how to read it. Despite knowing they were soulmates, Aiba still felt guilty and insecure about their connection. Sho wasn’t mad, he knew it must be difficult for him too, and even more so, since Aiba had never been human before.

He placed a kiss on his lover’s scar, and got up. He opened the drawer of his desk, and pulled out the poem he had handwritten for Aiba. He got back to bed and sat with his back on the headboard. Aiba nested closely to him, and he wrapped one arm around him before he started reading:

_Counting time     in_  
_freckles written     on_  
_skin     in_  
_fairytales drawn     on_  
_bones     while_

_Lacing souls     with_  
_trembling fingers     weaving_  
_promises     with_  
_hungry tongues     battling_

_Longing     for_  
_bliss     that_  
_comes     from_  
_heated lips     rushing_  
_finding their way     to_  
_eager breaths and     you_

_Swallowing     hesitation_  
_hiding     in_  
_tender glances     reddening_  
_cheeks     in_  
_scarlet buds     maddening_  
_thoughts     in_  
_restless abandon     and_

_Losing     but_  
_winning     as_  
_burning brushes_  
_carve     the_  
_path to     a_  
_beat_  
_rousing     your_  
_heart     my_  
_heart     with_  
_smoldering sparks_

He finished with a strangled sob in his throat. Everything was poured in those words. His doubts, his love, his desire, his pain. He hoped Aiba could feel everything he had wanted to tell him with those words.

His lover took the paper from his hand and looked at him in the eyes before kissing him.

“Thank you,” he said when they broke apart. He was smiling, and Sho could see that his insecurity was gone.

“What now?” Sho asked.

There were so many things that had changed now. Aiba would have to find a job. They would have to make up some reason why he had no family. They would have to make up a story for their first meeting, and one for their first kiss. They had to learn to love each other all over again, and he had to let Aiba find himself without him, have his friends and a life alone as well as life with him. There were a million things they had to think about.

He could see in his eyes that Aiba was thinking the same thing. But there was no concern in the way he looked at him. Instead, he let his eyes widen in fake innocence. “I seem to remember something about a favorite position of yours?” he said with nonchalance.

Sho grinned as he leaned in for a kiss.

He had time to figure it out, he thought. He would spend the day in Aiba’s arms and that night too. And then he would spend the rest of his life trying to figure it out.

He had time now. And Aiba by his side every step of the way.

He was happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- The title of this series, Amore, comes from Aiba's homonymous solo from the Are You Happy? Album. Aiba's shirt, as well, is a reference to his costume during the concert performance.   
> \- I tried to incorporate both Aiba's birthmark and his surgery scar in the story, so that even as a god with a supposedly perfect body, he could still retain his little "imperfections."   
> \- Cheesecakes and candles are really things Sho claims to love, so they had to make an appearance.   
> \- The game Sho and Nino are playing in the end is Crash Team Racing. Nino's character, Coco, is Crash's sister, while Sho's character Dr. Neo Cortex, is his archenemy.   
> \- Ohno's outfit is based off his Shinigami suit in Shinigami-kun.


End file.
